Pillar of Light

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2022-11-21 19:25:43 (UTC)

I need a new mattress

I went shopping for one a couple of months ago and started a discussion about it with my husband.
He said he doesn’t want to spend money on it right now.
But the mattress is really bad.

A person’s environment and quality of sleep is very important.
We moved to the guest room to give my 17 year old our big bedroom a few months ago, but we never fixed it up.
Everything about that room is wonky, drafty, unfinished trim., the TV is not even up straight and there are wires hanging down.
It’s all an eye sore for me, but my husband couldn’t care less. It’s all perfectly functional for him.

Maybe a nicer room will help me feel better, so today I started cleaning and re-arranging. My room has It has its own bathroom too which has its own issues. I (attempted to) fix the crooked door. The hinges were painted over. Smh

It’s gonna take more than a day but I’ll try my best.

I saved enough money to pay for a new mattress myself. I guess I’ll just do it. Things like this give me the feeling that my husband is so unneeded and useless to me.
Our agreement was for him to support us and I stay home with the kids. I still manage to help financially, and do almost everything physical work and maintenance around the house. The least he could do is pay for things like a mattress or hire help for the things he can’t do. Leaving it up to me all the time.
Why do I know how to bleed the oil, when the furnace goes out? because he forgot to order oil. I figure stuff out when I have to.

He knows what I’m capable of but I don’t want it. I’m an elegant lady, I like being taken care of. I want to be treated like a princess is that too much to ask? Instead I call him princess while he sits with his cigar on Sundays.

After all the shit I’m talking to myself I’m going to continue letting it happen and I know it.
Maybe for a minute I’ll close my eyes and pretend Gavin is my husband. He would fix the door and TV, and wouldn’t let me lift a finger, unless I wanted to. And he would be excited about a new bed because of all the fun we’d have in it.