Evolving marriage
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2022-11-19 19:44:00 (UTC)

Getting settled

Dear Diary,
Well its been busy since I got home. Had some down time yesterday and stayed in bed till 10am today but was awake early. Just online, now Im up getting after it.

Everywhere is covered in leaves, husband doesnt do yard work or think to, and I was gone a month so there are leaves galore then we had snow, which is mostly melted. I left when the weather was warm. I asked him to tackle the leaves before I got home, but no, I asked him if hes helping me and he said yes, so we have to set aside a day and just get out there, one of us with the blower, the other mowing and mulching leaves, they are dry and tracking into our house and into our vacation rental.

Also I clean the vacation rental and we had guests, hubby did get the trash out, towels and bedding for me after they left, but now I gotta clean it and the coffee pot sat with stuff in it for a month, so yeah, gonna go get that cleaned up today and maybe back on calendar a few days here and there.

Have to call the contractor in other state for the new house, got a bid the day I left and told him Id call him back to go over it when I was home. Its phase one, just redoing all the flooring, the joists and a beam in the basement. All the other stuff is Phase 2 and probably not until I go back unless I can decide on some materials before going back, so Im going to look at flooring ideas and tile because that would be nice to know and maybe get done before I go back.

My goal is also to buy a trailer before going back to haul things, I have tons of stuff here, furnishings for the house, vintage gas stove, sink, you name it, I have got a lot of it, I also wanted a window put in the kitchen over the sink and will ask him about working with any that I already have here (I have an old house window stash)

So for now Im cleaning house, its all disheveled from being gone. Just too much crap everywhere. And the cool part is when I take things to the house next yr, it will really help around here as I have a lot of things stored that I can use at that place. Im excited about setting that house up! But I need to shop for a couch online and order that, I dont want to take my antique one since Im hoping to use the house for a part time vacation rental between my stays. And this couch I have is great and beautiful but a tan color that would stain easily. So I need a dark color. Id like something in a deep blue like we have here, or maybe Ill do green! But I think blue will work best for spills or stains as I have to think of that and people staying.

SO much to think about! I am so excited, it seems everything I have wanted to do where we currently live, just hasnt panned out, the market is too high to pick up real estate, a commercial space, forget about it! Getting people to work on our house (thats been trying!)

Yet I got a home for 3 times less in other state, granted Im putting some $$ into it because I got it so cheap and knew that buying it. But I have land! I can put up my own barn type metal shop building on my own property there, or I can make a tiny house village (manufacturer is nearby and free delivery under 50 miles which I am) I already have several trades people I work with and looks like I have a contractor (whos neighbor is my electrician and who paired us up)

My neighbors are incredibly nice, I was 2 wks without hot water and they were offering me their showers, another gal stopped by to invite me to church, she leaves for the winter also and returns in April. My neighbors 15 min away at the old homestead where I have the 3 acres are like parents to me there and honestly make me feel I have parents when I go. THey showed up to see me in, stopped by to check on me, I went and sat with them a few times before I left.

The restaurant I love, the gal owner runs the bar and always talks to me and knows everything going on when I come in asking me how I am, and all that.

Its just a friendly place in farmland... I feel I belong there, it feels so right, I get emotional just typing this.

Granted our house we currently have is equally amazing and awesome and in beautiful scenery! Great town, great investment, but the people, I havent made friends here like out there, people arent as friendly, etc.

And I just feel I belong, its where my ancestors were in the other state, I am funny playing country music now, never really was a fan much, but now I am, and love driving hearing it out there as I drive past cattle, farms, corn, hay fields and homesteads. Rolling into the little town and its cool old historic main street.

Its peaceful, quiet, yet friendly, and I can go to all the old little cemeteries and see all my distant relatives graves to the 1800s

I addressed hubby last night, on the tone and voice and words he uses on me, its been a thing since we have met and Ive not stood up for myself over it much anymore and realized Ive accepted things not okay with me and my boundaries have been violated. So last night we hashed it out some over this issue. Ive made excuses for him that he cant change and he actually leans on that excuse, because he grew up in a household that was harsh, f word used for everything and I just cringe under it, the tone he uses. I mean a simple thing can throw him into something and him going off. I told him how hes the only person in my life who speaks to me this way. Nobody else, my son on drugs is messed up sure and says dumb stuff and thats why I have him blocked right now, but thats me setting my boundaries with that. I dont have to live with it.

But my husband is a different story. All the things that have been hard for me, I have brought up and we have addressed them all but I got real upset last night over the way he speaks to me as he did it last night. And I said it wasnt okay with me, and Ive tolerated it too long, he is doing better he got very emotional himself about it, but hes still excusing it to a degree and saying "THat wont be me" if I talk to him about how to communicate in a healthy way, he makes fun of my examples , me telling him how to TALK instead of go off.

SO yeah

I went to the dermatologist right after I got back, got laser to my face and some spots on my hands and legs frozen, so I have freaky hands and legs for a wk till they slough off. Just getting rid of brown spots. Im very fair skinned and didnt always do best to protect from sun, so have to be more conscious of that. The laser was to remove brown spots and red from my face to even out the skin tone, my face you cant really tell, the brown spots will slough off and just look like tiny specs of dirt up close.

Husband did join the gym, told him Ill probably go over monday to see about paying for a month also (oh yeah we are just doing one month to try out)

Found a new podcast, no sex one, called Heavyweight, its pretty good as another gal i follow mentioned it.

Im also doing a week break from the christian site, to see if I really want to stay on there. Ive made 3 friends I can chat with outside of it, I mean the rest of the folks I can do without I guess?

Im trying to write more, learn more, less sex podcasts, other then the sex addicts one. I really enjoyed strictly being made love to by my husband that first time when I got home, it was exactly how it should be. Will it stay like that? We shall see.

Well off to get things done around here

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