Up All Night
I found out that I had schizophrenia ...
How disappointed in me my father was ... I quit school and started sleeping until two in the afternoon. Started smoking when I was fifteen, even though I was allergic to the smoke and it set off my asthma. I now have emphysema because I started when I was so young. I was diagnosed with emphysema when I was in my early twenties. I've been living with COPD for many years. (Cigarettes are no longer a part of my life.)
When I was a teenager I had about four parakeets in a cage in my bedroom and I would let them out all day and just lay in bed and listen to them chatter and say, "pretty bird!" All I wanted to do is stay in bed. When I got out of bed it was to take a shower or eat or go to the bathroom ... take care of the birds. Sometimes I'd go out at night with friends. looking for something to do. Some Fridays I'd buy pizza and some other kids would help me eat it. I'm the only one who ever had any money.
I never made my father proud and I didn't get any help with the schizophrenia until 2007. I tried going to the doctor for it many a time, but they only gave me antidepressants. I didn't get good medicine until 2007. I will take medicine for the rest of my life.
There are days when I want to stay in bed late, but I force myself to get up. I have a whiteboard that reminds me to get out of bed in the morning and do self care and chores ... That's just the beginning.