A lifetime of pain and healing
2022-11-19 01:47:07 (UTC)

I feel alone today. More than ..

I feel alone today. More than usual. I laughed and cut up at work but I felt so alone. On my way to work I guess my mind tried to set the tone for the day. We talked about pediatric care and infant death and it was like I had a clear picture in my mind of myself when I miscarried in the shower. I could see the raw emotion I had at the time. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. And then that's all I thought about. Today on my way to work it was like that same image clip just played over and over. Now I'm home after a 12 hour day at work trying to distract myself. I called around and no one seemed to want to give me the time of day on the phone. No one wanted to talk. Really I guess my phone calls are kind of selfish because I mainly just talk about my day. Nothing crazy. When that happens it just makes me feel more alone when no one wants to listen or talk to me. Pathetic I know. Another 12 hour day tomorrow.