Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-11-17 01:23:37 (UTC)

Legit concern

Ok so I am waiting to get a MRI in the morning. I was stupid and googled surgery for cat bite infections. Yeah that was stupid it looks horrible and painful and there would be a drainage tube ugh I could just puke. Positive thoughts only. My body will repair itself over night of this I am sure

My legit concern is the surgery. I'm not scared of the actual surgery itself but what about the narcotics???

While in rehab I did have genuine concern about never being able to take pain meds again like a car accident or surgery, they explained to me that if you have surgery they would give you them but it would be in a controlled environment and if they sent me home with some and I didn't trust myself with them to ask someone to handle the pills for me. So I do have a plan in place for something like this....but I was talking way in the future when I have years of clean time not just 72 days.

So I am kind of freaking out over that a little. I have already fought that beast and don't want to have to do it again, it was hard. So while I feel 100% confident that I beat my addiction to norco what if...

They give me some and it brings back all the wonderful feelings from the beginning, the promises it made to make everything better , I don't know it feels to soon to be fucking tempting myself does that make sense?

I was talking to my friend about this and she is worried it could mess with my recovery. I told her I am going for the high number plus I already know that it would be a lie, it didn't make things better it messed my life up.

This is just another test, I feel my life since quitting norco has been a test and so far I have kept the faith and gotten through every single thing

So just breathe you've got this, after all you are a bad ass bitch, queen

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