Never Broken
2022-11-17 21:51:42 (UTC)

Tired. Sick and bloody tired.

My sleeping schedule is all messed up. I’ve been staying awake all night and sleeping during the day. I had a horrible dream, of which I remember little, and just as I was falling back to sleep, the texts and calls began.

First, it was my mother with something that surely could have waited until later. Then, it was a republican comrade. Then, a lady who I am friends with who is nice enough, but doesn’t seem to understand that not only am I not sexually attracted to her and do not wish to pursue a relationship, but Constance hasn’t been gone a year and I still haven’t dealt with that, so I am not ready for a relationship of any kind at this time. It never stopped.

I am a bit worried about S. She did not come home last night and did not reply to my texts asking if she was coming home. I think I’ll have a glass of vodka and go back to sleep. I feel quite ill. I hate this — feeling ill, but not being “ill”. Autoimmune diseases such as the ones I have, make this a daily reality.