Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
2022-11-17 01:23:37 (UTC)

Am I tho?

I am strong, am I tho?

I'm a survivor I know this for fact, which wouldn't that in a sense make me a fighter then too? Which aren't fighters strong?

I have beat alcohol addiction

I have beat anorexia

I have survived years and years of real traumatic relationships with physical, mental and sexual abuse

I have survived a divorce (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy...hard)

I have survived raising a child with cystic fibrosis

I have survived losing my son with CF

I have survived rehab

I have been 71 days clean from norco (currently beating this)

I have been telling the world I am an addict, at first I was afraid but if I can help 1 person then who cares what people think of me, I am an actual proud recovering addict, I feel this is a win

Last Sunday I was traumatized beyond belief, I didn't see how I could ever recover, today I have only thought that 1 time, I can now (not every time) actually not relive this moment over and over when I shut my eyes to try to sleep. I feel like if we just be patient (not drug) we can survive anything, time does heal, at least makes it easier

But then I can now just cry at the drop of a dime...isn't that weak? Old thinking stop that. I remember once in therapy I would never cry. She asked what I thought of when I seen a man cry. I told her I thought they were brave and strong to be able to show their emotion like that. She said exactly you aren't weak when you cry you are strong because you are showing you're vulnerable.

Ok I am tho!


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