Pillar of Light

Bottled up till I explode

My husband and I were equal breadwinners in the household for the majority of our marriage.
4 years ago, my husband talked me into leaving my career to stay home with the kids. He told me that he makes enough to support us.
I know the main reason he wanted me home was for control. I worked out of state and took business trips across the Country many times. He always sensed that I was unfaithful.
He suspected me every time I came home late, even if it was just dinner with clients.

Anyway, even though it would suck to lose my freedom, and it was painful to just leave the career I worked so hard to grow in..I saw that my kids really missed me and needed me around more.
My kids always come first so I decided to do it.

Well now my husband has been complaining about money so much. For a woman like me to have to justify every purchase from toothpaste to things the kids need, frankly feels very degrading.

For this reason, I started my online boutique. So I can work from home and be independent again. The business has been struggling to grow and it’s been almost 2 years. I started 3 other side hustles and I’m finally making a little money.
I end up spending majority of it spoiling my kids; new iPad, take out food, Movie theater, toys, ect. I wish I could tell them no more often, but I grew up poor with immigrant parents…I never want them to feel less of themselves for not having the material things their friends have. They should have a sense that they deserve all the good things. Most parents don’t agree but that’s just what I feel in my heart. ❤️

So lately- I pay for my own gas, my daughters daycare, and extras for the kids. In the summer I cut the grass myself to save money. I never buy things for myself, and I do my own nails, and my mom does my hair color for me.
My husband doesn’t appreciate anything I do to help him financially!

BACK TO TODAY: I told my husband that I took our daughter to buy winter clothes and a new coat because hers is too thin.
I paid for it myself, I said…but if you want to give me half to split it that would be good. He ignored it, and continued looking at his phone.

Then, he tells me he’s FaceTiming his parents. I have a great relationship with them…so I get on the camera to talk to his dad. My father in law tells me that my mother in law is having Chemo today!
So- my husband failed to tell me something so important about his mom, even though I been asking for updates all the time.
When they lived with us, I was taking care of her. And took her to all her appointments when we first found her tumor…and now my husband doesn’t tell me she went back for another round of Chemo?!!!
He does this over and over and it pisses me off. He spends so much time on the phone telling everyone else every detail about things he shouldn’t, but doesn’t think it’s important to tell ME, HIS WIFE, THE ONE WHO TOOK HIS PARENTS INTO OUR HOME FOR 15 YEARS. Respected and cared for them.

I just have no energy left to fight with him, so I didn’t say a word about how that made me feel. I accepted that it’s how I am, I bottle it up until I explode. And I step out of my marriage as a “fuck you” to him for being such an ass to me.

He never deserved me. That’s what angers me the most. He got an Angel when he met me. He mentally abused me and accused me of cheating every damn day until I figured “I might as well”.