just someone random

stupid thoughts and life
2022-11-07 19:07:02 (UTC)

i wish it was over

Am i selfish? For wanting this all to be over? for wishing that without considering how it would make others feel?
sometimes I wonder if im like this just for attention.
Because when i imagine commiting suicide, a part of me wishes someone will be there to stop me or that it won't work and i'll end up alive.
am i being selfish?
am i being petty?
Sometimes i just want to do it to prove to them im not kidding.
but that's such a stupid thing to do.

im a mess.
im a fucking mess and i hate it and i want it to be over.
im sick of this life and im sick of being sick.
im sick of complaining online and im sick of pretending, and im sick of this cold feeling and im sick of the world and im sick of all the people and all their stupid drama im dragged into and i sick of trying to fit everyones standards and im sick of being embarrassed about what i like doing and im sick of hating myself and im sick of people who ignore me and im sick of people who pass my problems off as small just because im not dead yet.
You'll finally want to listen when im gone and by then it'll be too late and all you'll have left will be a blank note.

i guess im one of those weak people who stumble on the small rock on their path and don't get up.


sometimes i feel so dead inside. Not depressed, not anything. Simply nothing.
Everything is just black and white and so dull. So repetitive. And im stuck in a loop.
Everything feels so dead. So fake. So cheap. so plastic.
At this point I'm not even ranting. I'm just trying to think.
Well okay, I guess that counts as a rant.




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