Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-11-06 23:26:51 (UTC)

why

Just why couldn't of life went the way I planned/prayed for? I mean the one I planned and prayed for in rehab, where I would come out, Mike would fall madly in love with my beauty and we would be like we were when we first got together all over again. Our love story was grand, and it was only about to get better. We would grow and become so much stronger, we would be honest with each other and accept each other as is.

Yesterday I was at least 90% sure, if not 99% sure he would come back, today I am pretty sure it's over.

Mike doesn't understand addiction, he thinks I just made a choice to take a pill. Yeah I did, I made a choice that first time I took it, knowing I was an addict and I gave no fucks on that particular day, so yeah I made a choice to take a pill, after that, tho, honestly towards the end of my use, I felt I needed it to even fucking live, if that makes sense. I can't explain, go to al-anon, they will help. He thinks it's so easy to say no, and it is to a non addict. that was all my brain wanted no matter what, that's why I am simply amazed that it has now been 61 days without it. He thinks I chose it over him and the only reason I quit was because I got busted. Well, duh, yeah that was a huge part of it. Like I said though I was ready to stop, I had honestly (unsuccessfully) been trying for months.

End result is the same, whether I quit on my own or I quit because you caught me, end result is the same, I QUIT taking the norco.

This is a past chapter in my life and now so apparently is my marriage...ugh


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