Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-11-05 11:06:36 (UTC)


60 days norco free! I am feeling so proud and so happy!! I never thought I would be free from that...ever. It was a really really bad love affair. That's why I wish I had the goodbye norco letter I wrote in rehab, it was amazing, and I meant every word I wrote. I wrote it like it was a love affair that ended up destroying me, my whole life. It wasn't real, it lied to me, never loved me like it led me to believe in the beginning. It ruined my marriage. Now I am not saying that in a negative/it's over way, it ruined my 'past' marriage, which was awesome, if we can get past this, I believe we can have an amazing marriage. I just need to keep the faith, I already truly believe that there is nothing we can do to block God's will, so now I just wait.

I'm doing a little (very little) house cleaning, some laundry then I am celebrating by getting myself a caramel frappe! Got to treat yourself.

Then after today, I am going to start not treating myself with unhealthy things, I have noticed that since I have been back to work, I have been craving sweets again, that also was taken away from me in rehab, but it came back with a force once I went back to work.

exactly 18 days now, so starting Monday no more sweets, 21 days of something makes a habit...I always push my luck, 20 days and I am out

I feel like a boss bitch this morning, Mike always handled everything for the last 10 years, EVERYTHING. I am now stepping up and handling things now by myself, well not really by myself, he is still there (silently, in my corner since we still aren't really talking) I've got this. I survived for 45 years before he came into my life, I might be a little rusty, but I am not dumb. I am charming as fuck and have no problem calling bill collectors if needed to ask for extensions or whatever, I have no problem explaining that sometimes life happens, and people fuck up and that's exactly what I did. I will explain that I was in rehab and missed work for 6 weeks, so I am behind on all of my bills, I am currently getting separated, so I am asking for mercy on waiving the late fees or whatever it is that I need.

I did invite Mike to our family Thanksgiving, not sure if he will come or not. I think he thinks everyone is mad at him, they aren't. They are sad that my heart is broken. They didn't see it coming, when he went to talk to them or on the phone not sure, he was so scared and so worried about me, he clearly loves me they said. My mom said 'he clearly saved your life and for that we will always love him no matter what'. They thought that since he stood by me during the rehab, I don't know, they see how he could feel though. It's just that they love me so much, they just can't see how he doesn't just 'get over it'. Not that, but I don't know I can't explain how other people feel. I just know they are sad for us.

so am I, but not today satan!

Today is a day for loud music, lots of laughter, dancing,!


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