rotten

the nausea of forgotten meds

i believe i've forgotten to take my pills again. i don't know how long it's been going on exactly as i have no sense of time passing and can't remember when was the last time i refilled my pill dispenser and didn't just go free-popping, but long enough for me to start feeling dizzy and disgusted. it's almost 5am again so soon i can take my morning meds and that'll hopefully fix some of this - might also send me into a spiraling dissociative episode though, but at least i won't be nauseous, right? idk who i'm asking. i'd really need to get some zzz's in my system, i feel like i'm completely losing it. again. i also feel like i'm gonna fall ill, again. my nose's all stuffy and my throat feels all kinds of funky, my muscles ache and my neck's stiff and shit. i hope i can still make it on friday.

a while back i was reminded of 'spotify wrapped' coming up soon, and i went on this embarrassing mission of trying to loop stuff i view has "more steet cred" lmao. i had planned on listening to a lot of cool stuff on november, but today i read that spotify quit collecting data on the 31st of october. so, there goes that plan. not that anyone could see anything i didn't choose to share anyway - it just. would've been nice to know what things will turn up, come december. the past few years there's always been songs that've made me go "...have i even heard this one?" in the top 5 or so, it's weird. i predict this year i'll be surprised of how much harry styles i've listened to, lol - not that i'm ashamed of any music i listen to. that'd be a complete waste of energy. i don't listen to that much music anyway. most times i put my headphones in and turn them on only to forget to actually press play on anything; i'll come home from a doggo walk or whatever and realize i just wore the silent headphones the entire time. maybe i should buy a pair of those 'loop' ear buds instagram keeps advertising to me?

i began the process of changing my sheets. might result to a few nights (or days) of (not-)sleeping on a bare mattress again. i'm not sure if i have clean sheets, but that doesn't even really matter. putting the duvet cover on is just too much effort, damn it.

i'd like to go to the paja tomorrow, or... today, i guess. it's 5:15 now and there's a 'free period' from 11 to 14, if i recall correctly. i could go and try to actually start using my bullet journal. do something useful. write a few lists or something, idk. i should also call and try to book myself a doctor's appointment, and i should reply some texts - especially the one regarding my first follow-up meeting about the adhd rehab. i didn't even remember that was coming up or a thing at all before i got the text. OH and i definitely should call and ask about the psycho-physical physiotherapist thing. ...wasn't the neuropsychiatrist supposed to call me? when was that? in november..? do i have it in my calendar? i'll have to check. if i remember. my phone's charging rn so i'll probably forget. but hey, i showered! my hair's almost dried already. i decided against shaving, for now. i don't wanna have an itchy stubble on friday. idk why i'm treating it (friday) as special occasion, it really shouldn't be. i mean yeah, most of those people i'm seeing for the second time ever (except for miss a ... who i now realize i haven't started to mentally prepare myself for yet. i should start as lord knows no preparation will ever be enough, ughhh) and i rarely hang out in our beloved capital, but still. it's just another day, and most of all - it's just a day. one day. gosh. why do i always stress so much?

okay. i'll go and try that sleeping thing out now, on my bare mattress. hey, universe? wish me luck.