Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
2022-11-02 11:41:40 (UTC)

Just for today

Ok, so I've already stated that I am not going to stress over saving this marriage, if it's what God wants then there is nothing that can destroy this marriage, if it's not what God wants, well then, gulp, I will pull my big girl pants up and start over.

Deep breath, let it go....

So now on to my next stress, always has to be 1 right? I have 7 days to come up with rent and other bills and I won't get my first full paycheck back to work until the 18th. So, just for today I am going to do what I am supposed to do, pray, meditate, go to work, socialize and even see my therapist today (super excited about that). Just for today I am not going to stress about all this 'new' financial stress that has been thrown at me now after years of being oblivious to what was going on with the bills/banking, Mike handled everything. Now he isn't going to be there anymore, but I did this to myself, to us...fuck

No worries, I could always call the landlord and tell her what's going on and I'm going to be 2 weeks later, I don't know that sucks, I hate to start off already behind, but I did this to myself, to us...fuck

Honestly, I didn't see how I was hurting anyone when I was secretly taking norco, how when no one knew? I see it now, and I will forever be sorry. I have made amends with everyone, except Mike, but he is still mad and doesn't want to talk right now, he needs space. Totally understandable, heart-breaking, but understandable. I did this to myself, to us...fuck

Just for today, I will not worry about anything financial, I know from past experience that this is nothing compared to what could be happening right now.

Note, my dad has to have double bypass surgery to correct his valve/valves, he is 80 years old He goes the 14th to see the surgeon and set up a date and time. So today I am 57 days clean, going through a separation after a 10 year wonderful (what I thought) marriage, my dad's health issues, everyone knowing I am an addict (being exposed for all the world to see)....I have not wanted to take a pill. Thank you Jesus

And thank you Mike for saving me, no matter how this all turns out, you will always be my hero~


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