bishop49er

James and Turkey

This is the first time I've run out of medicine. I won't recieve my refills until Monday. Just took the last of this batch tonight. I don't have anymore for the next five days. I don't know what this'll be like but I should be okay until Monday.

My sister in law is mad at me. She won't answer my texts. My brother had been buying me groceries. Now I have to try and make it on my own. I think I'll visit the food pantry once a month if I have to. Groceries have gone up. Especially meat. I've thought of going vegetarian ...

I picked out the stuff for my Thanksgiving dinner. I'll be spending Thanksgiving alone. No invites this year ... I never get invited anywhere. No one wants anything to do with me.

I can't believe the holidays are rolling around again. I'll go to the payee Christmas party if they have one. Last year's party was good. I recieved a blow dryer and a cute fuzzy throw rug as my gifts. The food was good too.

Christmas dinner will be had alone at my apartment. I won't put a tree up because I don't want to have to store and drag around Christmas decorations if I ever move. I will cook myself a Christmas dinner.

I'm going to be doing diary entries through my days without my medicine. I've never had to go without it like that. I don't know if it'll do anything to me.

Haven't seen James in awhile. He wants to have sex with me. He's made that clear. I've kissed him on the lips even though I didn't want to. His beard and mustache smell like cigarettes. Having sex with him would be gross. Last time I saw him he was dressed in Uggs, leggings a woman's top and a heavy overcoat. I have his number. Ocassionally I wonder where he is, since he's homeless. I won't call. I don't want a relationship with him.

Today I didn't take a shower until before bed. I'm going to scrub myself again. I think I'm trying to scrub the men off of me.