Whatever

Insatiable?
2022-10-31 04:48:16 (UTC)

Old Crush

So as Im writing these entries, I look on social media and had a message from Mr Flash from the past. Im talking early 20s guy. I had a thing for online and met in person. We had talked on the phone and right when my ex and I separated, he and I had a steamy phone sex convo, I remember I was laying in my hallway or something as it was hot and I had the swamp cooler running. And I was so excited that I was actually going to be a free woman and I couldnt meet up with him now. So when I talked to him about meeting up, he said he couldnt as he was in AA and said hed get addicted to me. I remember being so confused as to what that meant. And I was sad as I wanted to go out with him. BUt we talked a little and things fizzled out and lost touch. So guess who appeared and found me? Funny how people think of things from the past. We are much older now. Its been almost 30 yrs. He has 2 kids, divorced and hes hot as ever. He always was. Just one of those guys with those timeless vintage hot guy looks, tatts, glasses.

His messages to me....

"i was just thinking about that back then the flirting and i think we had phone sex too

I was bummed about not seeing you too I was just scared that i would get addicted to you addiction is very powerful and doesn't have to be with drugs or booze I was just trying to do it right . I had been suffering for so long and wanted to maintain my peace of mind that I had found. Trust me I was and still kinda kick myself in the ass for not seeing you .

Do you still go to alanon?

I was coming off a 10 year run of meth and and alcohol when we met . Somehow I got off the meth but I was out of control with alcohol and was suicidal when I found AA and NA . We are doin ok over here.

I had been working in your hometown for a few months and it brought up a few memories of you so i thought i'd say hi 😊

i wanted to meet you so bad. i really liked you"

I told him it would have been a big train wreck most likely with his addiction issues and me just going into a nasty divorce. But its always neat to know someone thinks of you.

I was reading articles this am on cyber or internet affairs. As Ive not had a real one. And the reasons people have them as I wonder whats up with me that I would even run down this path as of recent? And it said one category was the ego boost. I guess hitting 50, and some of the issues I went thru of little sex for many yrs, really made me realize how vital and young I still feel, how I have a healthy sex drive. But Im also not just out looking to get fucked if you will.

I like connection. I like people. I often wonder, if I was single again, would I remarry? Like what would it be like to have many boyfriends? All over the country and states? So many people Im intrigued by. Or Id just date and hook up when Im okay with it. Would I do that for awhile? I know Im a relationship person, and Id most likely settle down again, I like that stability, but would I just want to enjoy getting to know many different people and not be locked down right away?




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