rotten

hocus pocus 2 has roombas

i came home around 4:40am. i was at t's; we watched hocus pocus 2, like we watched the first one a few years back. this time we didn't carve persimons though, maybe next year? that's about how much i want to put effort into celebrating halloween, but i did love hanging out with t! it's been a while, and i don't even know why - like neither of us has actually realized we now live in the same city lmao. but i mean i *love* the guy! i got pretty emotional about it actually. he's one of those who's seen all of me, or like pretty much every phase i've had during the past 13 years. he's witnessed panic attacks, actually he's held me through a few. even though we haven't always kept in touch that tightly, we've gone through many important things together and he just. you know, knows things? and i mean i was there when he cancelled the wedding, when he came out, with all the life choice crisis and health concerns. and i'm so fucking proud of him and happy for him - the person he's become and the things he's achieved and just. damn i love that guy. he's also the epitome of cuteness, i swear. like all our inside jokes from waaaay back are fricking cute too; for example how we used to claim different animals (i'm still proud that i claimed raccoons first).

i just adore the friendships where time seems to not be a factor, or the passing of it. sometimes it can be months or easily even years without a peep, yet still... when we get together it's exactly the same it has always been. we just pick up right where we've left off. all the laughs are still there, the love and support can be felt in every interaction. the conversations get super deep super quick and there's never any reason to be ashamed of anything. it's damn right magical, really. and it takes a LOT for me to not feel like i'm being ridiculous or annoying as hell. last night made me realize how much i've actually missed being around him. i hope we schedule another hangout soon.

okay, moving on. i got invited to our company's 'team day' the next friday. we're gonna go *flying* in one of those tube thingies and i'm hoping to make it the first time i'm not gonna allow my weight and self-loathing keep me from experiencing something fucking cool. i've missed out on soooo many things along the years i'm ashamed to even think about it. my knee's been fucked up though and the web site said you shouldn't go if you have joint issues, but i mean. i may not give a flying (no pun intended) f. there was some italian food and wines and all that fancy shit on the 'menu' as well, so it should be really nice! last year i enjoyed hanging out with the team at the christmas party, and i expect this to be at least as much fun as that was. i still need to find someone who's willing to take w in for a few days, and i've also yet to figure out transportation and accomodation and shit - i should message j and ask if i could crash at his place (he lives near the place i guess we're planning on ending our night at) and i should hit s up on slack to ask how she intends to travel since she lives near here. just... lately it feels like my life management has been even more out of hand than usual.

i mean check it out, here's the to do list:
- message j & s about the friday's logistics
- make a plan to avoid a's bs for the night...
- ask f, n, L, who else? if someone would take w
- find a place for w to stay for my aunt's birthday party as well...
- clean up the hell hole that is this apartment!
- try to ask if there's still a way to continue with the sleep therapy app even though i've been slacking for WEEKS now
- book a visit to the doctor's, ask for a bloodwork referral beforehand (talk about: knee, stuffiness, skin, sleep, wright, all the other struggles)
- go get my eyes checked, look for new glasses
- book a consultation about the wrist operation
- book w's sterilization and make a payment plan
- do november's budget (could i afford the bus card?)
- go and finally buy The Chair. call mummu beforehand
- call dad!!!!
- check on the gift cards and other shit that have expiration dates. make an effort to write those down somewhere. set up alarms
- finally start knitting
- go to the pharmacy and pick up the rest of the clonidine
- order new underwear & socks
- go through the boxes in the entryway, sort out the jackets and shoes and winter attires. swap with the summer stuff, and
- take the boxes downstares to the storage
- take the bike back inside
- return the bottles to a store
- spray paint the lamp, the kitchen stool, the lantern. what else? anyway, do that before it's f'ing winter
- wash the mf'ing windows
- email someone about the kitchen window fogging up
- actually start using that bullet journal and daily or at least weekly to do -lists
- refill the pill dispenser again
- go on keto again to give HS even the slightest chance of going back to remission
- work, work, work. check on work every single day
- clean out the pee lock in the bathroom
- take the baby clothes to n
- message jo back. oh and p. and sa. oh god....
- start xmas gift planning
- plan for the trip(s) to visit a & j & j & e & n
- visit j & s's new place
- go spend time with mum. visit m
- mend the jumpsuit, the flannel and the jean shirt
-

ok now the list is getting out of hand but there's just SO MUCH to do. i can't handle it. i can barely brush my teeth every day. it's insanity! i refuse to do any ... adulting. i quit. i don't wanna do it anymore. ok let's face it i've never actually done it, at least not succesfully, so. i refuse to even start. it's too much, i'm not cut out for it. i just wanna lay under the covers and not do anything else ever again. okay?