Cryingsoul

Lost for words at times
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2022-10-29 17:54:00 (UTC)

Visting my brother & Manchild

Yesterday, l got to go see my brother. I used public transport to get me over there as my youngest son had a last minute PT client and l would of missed the slot of visting between 6.30pm till 8pm.
So l caught the bus. l arrived at 6.10pm so l thought i'd go to the main hospital department and have a coffee whilst waiting. At 6.25pm l went to wait outside the ward waiting to get buzzed in for 6.30pm, Perfect!

There was other familes waiting to go see there relation's. I got let in and the nurse took me to 'S' but only on my way l heard a familar voice. It was my oldest son 'J' the one l had alot of trouble with after Kylo passed away, the one that l had disassociated myself from. Right, l can't cause a scene as it's all about visting my brother. So l naturally embraced 'J' and played the situation down by asking how he got over there, as l was making a fuss over my brother. Who looked amazing considering he had a heart attack last sunday.
'S' was still on a heart monitor. He was being fed by nasogastric tube, and was still recieving pain relief via a cannula. His short term memory is abit squiffy but his long term is amazing.

At 6.50pm another visitor arrived. It was 'K' awesome to see him turn up for my brother. Now... visitor's are only 2 per bed but the nurse allowed 3 being 'S' was in his own bay. At 7.15pm another visitor had arrived, so 'K' said his goodbyes and left. For only manchild to walk in๐Ÿ˜. Ooh jesus christ, not only am l wanting to kill him because of incident's that came to light from mine and my brother's childhood. But, the last time manchild saw my son 'J' was when my son was annihilating him for hitting me back in march. With an odd look from manchild, I thanked manchild for allowing 'K' in. So.. to my son and brother it looked like l was still with him. Yet again, l didn't want to cause a scene. My brother was so happy seeing manchild as they haven't actually seen each for some years. Manchild said his other mates 'P' and 'D' was outside waiting. 'J' said he would go wait outside to wait for us and tell 'P' and 'D' we wouldn't be long.
Manchild and my brother was reminiscing over our childhood antics, absofuckinglutely unaware of the situation. Not the time or the place to discuss anything about past incident's. As this was about my brother. It was great seeing manchild humour 'S'. Infact at one point we got told off because 'S' heart rate increased and the nurse monitoring him came over and told us not to excite him too much.

7.30, came and l thought it might be a good idea to make a move being 'P' and 'D' was outside awaiting to see my brother. Manchild and l both left. 'J' asked if manchild could drop him off at my house๐Ÿ˜. So now i'm in manchild's car with my son, acting asthough manchild and l was together as l didn't want another situation. I'm so damn grateful that my son was talking about crap as manchild was driving us back to my house. As it made the awkwardness of the situation bearable. We arrived back at mine.. l offered 'J' in for a drink hoping he'd say no. "Ok, mum" Now manchild who by now had clicked on, followed us into my house.๐Ÿ˜

Coffee all round l guess. Ooh no, manchild offered my son a beer. Well 'J' was loving it catching up with manchild, talking about his uncle and their previous fishing trips, times when they both worked with my brother and manchild's band. I'm not wanting any trouble kept quiet, drinking copious amount's of brandy and lemonade.

I woke this morning with my vicious music still playing downstairs and a body in my bed. Manchild..!!! l woke him, for him to tell me we all was absolutely inebriated. Apparently, My son had left just after midnight, l then tried fighting manchild๐Ÿ˜พ and he dragged my arse to bed.

I'm done with all the arguing, fighting. I'm now starting to believe i'm supposed to be with manchild. No matter how much l fight my feeling's or him. He alway's end's up coming back. One way or another.

Obviously, l won't be going out tonight with Amy as l have a hangover from hell. Plus, we was only going to try and sabotage manchild's gig. Childish l know, but l had my reason's. Reason's that now seem so unimportant.

Manchild and l.. l don't know!
As before l move forward, i'll need to let alot of thing's go. Thing's that are very important to me๐Ÿ˜ฟ

Until next time, take care of you x

Grateful for
The daily progress my brother is making.
The hospital teams looking after him.
My friend's and family.


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