Never Broken
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2022-10-23 12:37:30 (UTC)

Anxiety caught up to me again…

After the dream I had yesterday, I stayed up late and could not sleep. When I finally did sleep, I am sure I dreamed, as everyone does, but I do not remember them, thankfully. Then, I got an Amazon reminder about my wee dog’s medication, and I realised what time it was, and anxiety slammed into me like a wave. It’s not the same as having a panic attack. I’ve had two of those and they are so sudden and so overwhelming that you can’t think straight. I’ve also had panic attacks in miniature — a state of half pure panic attack and half serious anxiety. This had to do with my traumatic life situation in 2020 and the first half of 2021. I could not have gotten through that without Constance. No, I definitely could not have gotten through it alone.

This anxiety is not quite as severe as what I experienced in 2021, but it is quite severe as well.

I am still in the process of figuring out my finances and today is the day I will see if it works. If it doesn’t work, I am going to be in a real bad situation. I do not know how my father is going to take this news. I guess I shall just have to bite the bullet and see what happens. I will write again later and let everyone who might read this know how it all shakes out.

I wish there was a double of me, so I could send someone else in my place for this surgery Thursday. I do not know when I’ll be able to write in. There is dictation on my phone, but it makes a lot of mistakes, which I am constantly feeling the need to fix. I do not know how to be able to fix them but we’ll see what we see. I suppose, I could have one of the boys type what I want to say. Yes, that sounds like a good idea.

Well, this podcast is getting good, so I think I will do my afternoon jobs and listen whilst I do them.