Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-10-22 10:53:48 (UTC)

doing new things

So this year, well past 2 months have been me trying all kinds of new things. Example I am scared to death of bugs, even been hypnotized just to make it ok to go outside. This little girl my daughter babysits, our 'granddaughter B (could be B for her initial or B for brat haha love her tho) wanted to go for a walk so I took her to this nice place we have by us, they had this butterfly house you could go walk through, yeah that was a big no from me. But I did it, she was afraid to do it alone so I went in there to show her how to be brave (fuck this) but I did it and it was sooo cool. Those butterflies don't fuck with you, they are beautiful. So that was one of the bravest things I ever had to do.

Then there was the helping my daughter's boyfriend's kids carve pumpkins, I told them I would cut out the top for them, but they had to scoop the guts out. Well once I said guts, they didn't want to do it. there are 2 boys and 1 girl. The girl was bad ass about it she just stuck her hand in there and started digging. The boys were creaped out by it and I said if I do it will you? they both agreed so I did it just like she did it. When I brought my hand out, I was overly dramatic and acting like I just pulled the sword out of the rock, or well it was a huge deal to me haha the boys did it too and we had a super fun day. Then we sang (I sang out loud, top of my lungs and I suck but still I sang) and danced for a long time. We were so brave we got the guts out of the pumpkin.

I was brave for going into rehab, I didn't have to go, thank God for saving my ass there. I knew I had to go I had honestly been trying for 3 months or so to quit I couldn't do it on my own. I needed this, Lord knows I needed this. I will be brave for this new chapter in my life

I understand all the hippa laws and shit like that, when I tell a story from rehab about someone, this could be any one from a million people's story, but I'm going to tell you about my girl R, she was 61 years old, mother to 5 kids, grandmother to 17. She had stage 5 cancer throughout her body and they were giving her meds to make her comfortable. Her drugs of choice were alcohol and crack. I asked her why she was here (I have found that I am very noisy, like I sincerely want to know their story) she said the other day the whole family came over to her house, she had just did crack. The look on her grandbabies face, she said she scared them and she don't want them to remember her like that. Broke my heart. She was so fucking brave, I told her she was the most bad ass bitch I had ever met and I was so proud of her and honored to meet her. She was going through a lot END OF LIFE but here she was not, giving into her demons but fighting them head on. She was such an inspiration to so many people she would never even know, because I told her I would talk about her the rest of my life and how brave and strong she was

Once I told the 1st rehab I was done and they agreed with my plan, to go home for the rest of the weekend (it was Saturday) then go to a different rehab, they put me out. So I never got to say goodbyes to any of the ladies I had just spent 15 days with, that made me sad. One of the girls did end up also coming to the other rehab so that was nice to see her. I thought all the people there were brave

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