Diary writing person

Slowly descending into madness
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2022-10-22 05:02:30 (UTC)

JEKYLL AND HYDE

Tomorrow as a batch we're supposed to go on an industrial tour. Which I'm ditching. Two of my friends tried to convince me again, but in my defense I'm on period. Well, I just don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay at home. I want to relax. I want to snuggle with my cuddle pillow. I want to work. That's all I want to do with my life for 2 days.

I wanna take a raincheck on batch trip as well. Truth to be told, I'm getting sick everytime I go out in the sun. Or I'm around lots of people. I'm getting sick because of the lack of sleep. I wish someone would understand me. No one does. They've been trying so hard to convince me for batch trip. I have made really good friends I think. :/ didn’t plan to.

Whenever I go to some place, see something nice, I constantly wish penguin was there with me. This is a constant craving to have him by my side. I try not to concentrate on having these feelings but I can't help it.

I also don't ever want to do any kind of drugs. My only fear is, I will break more than 3 months of not talking to him streak and will end up texting him in a hazy mood. I don’t want that. I don't want to talk to him. I have a few insane logic behind it. First of all, I feel things very intensely and it's more than I can take. It consumes all my energy. Also, it's very addictive. Probably the strongest drug will feel like this. The urge of talking to him more and more. And lastly, my man preaches about empathy whilst having none. He says the harshest things, they traumatize me. He's not nice to me. I don't have any energy left in my body to deal with it. He says the most cruel things, I can't even fathom the same mouth once told me that he loves me. I can't connect the dots. It's like jekyll and hyde. So I don’t text him, I wait for some divine intervention? Yeah I guess you can that.


Sad-touchy-feely stuff aside,

Someone sent me a marriage proposal and I don’t know why, but my father is very eager to marry me off. ছোটবেলায় সুকুমার রায়ের কবিতা পড়সিলাম; সৎপাত্র। Sorry to say this but পাত্রের অবস্থা ওইরকম না হইলেও মোটামুটি কাছাকাছি৷ 🤪 Dude lives in USA. Doesn't have any green card. He's looking for someone to marry. He doesn’t have any job. My father thinks he's a very good husband material because he knows his father?????? I really don't know what kind of logic that is. I'm only 23 years old and my family is fucking trying to destroy me. I started making jokes about it but I know very well I'll kill myself if they get serious. Or prolly get married just to ruin another family, I have thousands years of rage inside me and I'm looking for a way out.


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