Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-10-21 21:37:03 (UTC)

so odd

This whole situation with Mike is so strange, we are still living together I mean he is letting me use his laptop, which he told me was a work laptop (which I later found out it was really his, he just forgot to tell me, but I am the liar) I lied because I was fucking hooked on that shit, that's all my brain wanted to make sure I could handle anything life threw at me. this whole thing just sucks big balls right now. I am so sad

I really wanted a fresh start but I just need to see the bank statement, not screen shots the actual statement, see where this could possibly become an obsessive thought?

It's so weird when he goes into his little room and I can hear the lock click, why would he lock the door when he was in it? I'm just so confused did he ever love me? of course, I know he did, probably always will, like I will him. But without that trust (bank statement proof) I can't move on and for him, if I can't just trust him, then he can't move on.....stalemate

I have told him that I will no longer blindly trust again

so this is the end

there is no more Mike and Michele or Michele and Mike (repeat 100000 times haha little rehab insider joke)

this was not the way I planned at all, but I will be alright. So will Mike he is/was playing the pity card, he will just die alone...then show me the statement. so simple, really. If there's nothing to hide who the fuck cares it would be the end to all of this bullshit, we are wasting time sitting here acting like we don't like/care about each other over something so simple.

he thinks me blindly trusting him starting right now is so simple...oh, but it's not

without knowing, I could never trust, I know myself (well kind of) but I do know that not enough rehab/therapy in the world would be able to stop my mind from obsessing. Would I ever be able to trust him again without knowing what he is hiding for the last 2 weeks? Probably, no, most likely NOT.

well I talked with daughter, she said she wants to leave our dog with Mike, because he always takes care of who is sick. I thought that was sweet, but when I walked in Mike said he didn't want him or something more like "when you leave make sure you take that stupid ass dog with you" yeah ok

so now, I have to find a place for our dog. He is a dick, needs someone old who can devote their whole life to him. He is a yorkie/Chihauhua combo. Looks like a yorkie but acts like an asshole chihauhua. I think I know someone who would want him. I hope he wants the cats. I can't afford to take them, can't sneak these little shits in any place, they are all up in the blinds. This is their home, they love Mike, they love me too, but Mike is both of them's person. They were taken care of when I was gone, I will feel like I could possibly die if he didn't want them. If he doesn't I will just borrow the pet deposit then, they are worth it. Oh well, we will figure it out.

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