rotten

mum forgot homosexuals exist

no paja for me today - i was super pissed at the alarm in the morning and only got up around 1pm. buuut i finally got some sleep, like perhaps almost 8 hours of it. honestly can't remember the last time that happened. i'm still a little bit under the weather so i'm sure this was the right choice, even if it wasn't really a choice at all cuz i was basically unconscious when i made it, but y'know. i'm planning on going tomorrow though. at 11am i'll be there, making collages like heckkk yeah. i might even dig out my black paged collage book and take it with me if i get real productive and adventurous!

my mum had forgotten the existence of homosexuals. she called me to complain about duolingo, how in spanish "there are sometimes male characters who use the masculine form or female characters that use the feminine" - at first i was hella confused, like. of course (looks so dumb written separately but i guess that's the correct way? i protest) the women use feminine to talk about themselves, but it turns out she had come across those women talking about their esposas/novias and men of their esposos/novios or the frigging bear (is the bear even in spanish? or just german? idk) talking about pedro y su esposo, etc. i laughed and told her not to worry as it's not wrong, they're just all gay (which is exactly what i used to say to calm her down when i was having boys stay over as a teenager). i guess hebrew only has straight people and that's why she has been able to avoid the pRoGrEsSiVe side of duolingo until now lol.

i'm in the phase of my cycle where i bleed and ache and spasm, so i lit some candles and did my makeup while binge watching MMMM's (murder, mystery and make-up mondays) instead of doing what i was supposed to do, aka 1) checking if there'd be work for me to do, and 2) cleaning up this hell-hole. oh and 3) going grocery shopping. that one i'm still planning on doing before i go to bed though, just gotta take w out first - actually i think i have to do that right now as there's this small fluffy creature clawing my thigh, so. brb.

gahhh i'm running uncomfortably low on money again, and there's almost two weeks left before i get more. i really need to start remembering to check on work... and i really need to start trying to find more work. i can't go on like this. especially now that i booked w her dental appointment that's gonna cost me half a month's rent, and i still need to book two other appointments that are even more expensive than the dental one - and i can barely pay the actual rent! i used to manage just fine with the minimum income of this country, but now that evvverything is so. darn. much. more. expensive, it's a whole different situation. and i don't even eat, or leave my house, or do anything? i wonder how others make it; those who can't work but still do eat, travel and upkeep social lives. the ones i personally know either live with their parents or with a partner, and that seems to take care of money being an issue. it really is too bad that i have parents who are just as poor if not poorer than me, and that i myself am (generally speaking) an unattractive, fundamentally fucked up misanthropist who never sleeps - otherwise i might be able to actually either earn myself a living, or 'bag' a partner or at least some sort of a saccharide-benefactor type of a situation.

now i will continue listening to 'you will get through this night' and then perhaps do exactly that, get through this night.
fingers crossed for sleep!