Never Broken
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2022-10-20 13:05:47 (UTC)

Managing to keep it down…

Anxiety is ever present in my world, as usual. I am managing to keep it under control for the moment. “Let go and let God,” Dan says to me. I am trying. I just don’t know if I can even get to my appointment, which I am anxious about, but I am also anxious about the appointment in itself. And of course, there are financial issues, as well. I still haven’t figured those out, ok, that’s not quite true, I have figured something out, but I haven’t done it yet, because I don’t like asking my father for this kind of help and my plan involves him asking my uncle with whom I am not at all close. In fact, I can’t even say I like the man, but don’t take that as a sign of negativity. It is impossible to like someone you do not know well. It is impossible to like someone you haven’t seen since you were 16 years old. It is impossible to like someone you talk to for 5 minutes or less every couple of years. This is what I know about my uncle R.

He lives in New York City. He used to be an investment banker. He has lots and lots and lots of money. He has 4 houses and a boat. He doesn’t like dogs. He is a type A personality. He is mad that I did not go to his son’s wedding, but I could not, as the morning I was to leave, my health took a turn for the worse and I was not cleared to fly. I ended up being transported to hospital that day and spent all day there.

I just thought of a way I could get to my appointment if I have to use it. I could ask my father. I did not want to originally do this because my father’s eyes are bad and I know there will be paperwork to fill in, which he will have trouble seeing.

My left eye is all swollen. I noticed the swelling before bed, but it is worse now. I don’t know what caused the swelling, though it felt like something was in my eye yesterday.

Well, I will write later about how the appointment goes.