Skipping ahead October 15th 2022
at the second rehab I had major breakthroughs emotionally. This place allowed phone calls. Friday I graduated the program early I was supposed to be done Monday 17th, but I called my daughter and she had to work and told me that Mike said he was going to bed with a migraine so not to call him (I got 2 calls and split them between them) he didn't feel good so I didn't want to call him. She said she could get me the next day so I was like ok cool. It was sweetest day so I wanted to surprise Mike, but on the way here I decided we better text him. He was pissed. text me that
h: where are you?
m: about to leave
h: not happy at all
h: because. this ain't monday you shouldn't told me
m: This is Michele. they released me because I completed the program they even offered me a job I was going to have you pick me up last night but you didn't answer the phone
h: just not happy. sorry. was so not stressful and now it's all back
m: why would me being home be stressful
h: take your time Hank is here putting a lock on my door. dont need him here when you are
h: don't trust you you don't trust me. You wanna take everything I like away I'm not changing
m: ok fine I will leave at the end of this month
h: ok I will go somewhere not sure where
m: nope Im not staying there
h: have no money but oh well I'll find a place until u leave
When I got home, he was like scared of me it was so weird, I can't explain it, he was just weird. I thought we were ok (well there were signs I will explain later) why wouldn't he be happy to see his wife who has been gone for 30 days (a few days between rehabs I was home) I ran to the store to get pumpkins with Kim and when I got back he was gone, didn't say where or anything.
So even though the day started so bright, I was so happy able to be out so see the colors of the trees about to see my honey and snuggle up with him and my cats I love those cats. Everything had been forgiven as far as I knew on October 3rd when I entered this second rehab we were starting fresh. but the first day home he bailed. Said he felt like he was walking on eggshells. So I spent my 1st night home from rehab alone, while he was 'somewhere' else.
The next morning I went to church where Mike made sure to expose me to (addict thinking, I see that he was just having our prayer ladies pray for me) but I held my head high and smiled a pure smile I asked God to use me as a vessel and see nothing but love from me. I hugged them all and thanked them for the prayers. Then after that I went to my parents and had my first real honest conversation with my parents.
I have to go to bed, this has been exhausting but I had to get this out