Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-10-19 01:07:55 (UTC)


The first day in actual detox, we decided I didn't need to be there (in detox not rehab). I wasn't there to sit there and waste my time watching tv. I wanted to learn, give me books, talk to me, teach me, I am wasting my time I wanted to get back to save my marriage. So I went down to my room which thankfully was on the 2nd floor instead of the 6th. The place is in the middle of one of the worse cities in the world and is over 100 years old, with no air conditioner did I mention but still I stayed? Also full of women court ordered there for fucking up bitches, so I was a little scared. I have never lied about being a whimp but still I stayed.

they explained to me that my brain is fucked up right now and my thinking is going to be all messed up for few weeks, I was like okay, then they threw 400 rules at us, we were like what the actual fuck? they had rats, not mice well maybe those too but we saw rats for real but still I stayed. there was a centipede that crawled out from under my bed. but still I stayed

The first 3 days I was called a border. I was there to see if this was something that I wanted to be a part of, I was first in line for all meals, I was allowed seconds which I later found you could save and then barter with later (snacks and extra food are a huge hit in rehab) I feel like it was a step up from prison, but still I stayed.

I stayed for as long as I could. 15 days I made it there, 15 of the hardest days and nights of my life, but I did it. when I left there they had me on Suboxone, I didn't want it but the therapist, Nurse Practioner and peer recovery coach all recommended it, I waited until I talked to Mike to see how he felt about it after all it was still a narcotic and I would have to come off of it later. Mike said that's what he had heard so I took it. I took the first dose and pretty much went to bed the next morning I woke up great no anxiety nothing, but this was after like 13 days of dealing with my sadness and pain. So I took it again that morning, I spent the whole day puking.

I finally decided that 15 days was enough. I left ama, but I left with a plan. My plan was it was Saturday and Monday I was going straight to another rehab, I would be with Mike so I was safe. I just wanted Mike, Kim and my kittens so bad. He was pissed that I was leaving, I mean pissed off. If he didn't want to come get me thats fine i will call Kim, he came and got me

more drama there. Anyways I was on that suboxone for 5 days and just stopped, I don't want to have to do this again.

routine was basic up by wake up at 5:30 second wake up at 5:45