Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-10-19 00:50:45 (UTC)

September 9th 2022

Friday morning I got up and threw myself on the ground. I prayed that whatever happens no matter what I would do it just to be free from this need. We got to the pastor's office and now not only do I have to admit my deepest darkest shame to the pastor but another man has to be in there. I said 'awkward' when I sat down. But for the first time probably in a very long time I told my truth, unfortunately Mike didn't want me to talk to him before this so he also found out at this time that I was also getting my own script of norco the same as his. We talked for awhile, we called a lot of places but everyone wanted money if you dont have insurance. Finally this lady told me to come in at 3pm bring 7 pairs of clothes, no make up, no nothing, no phone, no nothing.....okay deep breath in deep breath out

So I have about 3 hours to just handle everything. I was so ashamed and embarrassed I didn't call or tell anyone I just ghosted everyone except Mike and Kim. Mike told me to go be with Kim since she needed me most, she was freaking out, she thought Mike was forcing me to go, anyways she now knows different. She took me out to lunch, then dropped me off with Mike so he could take me to rehab.

Mike dropped me off at 2:50pm I sat there all day before they finally drove us over to the actual place I would be living for God knows how long (remember I left it in his hands) at 10:30pm. The first thing they tell us is that we have to go up the the 6th floor oh and yeah the elevator is broke...are you fucking kidding me? We are going through some of the worse shit right now, when I say we it was my girl Carrie and I already forgot the other girls name, I talked with her and prayed with her but she ditched the second day. I wasn't really going through too much physically because I hadn't used in 3 days but mentally I was fucked up. All the pain I was hiding or shutting down came up and I was alone in this place where there was no air conditioning and no elevators I was sweating in places I didn't know you could even sweat. I had to share and room with my girls. Both of them snored like bears and the tv in the room was full blast, no controller could be found so they couldn't turn it off. I spent my first night in a detox. I did get some sleep and I cried a shit ton of tears


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