rotten

life is weird

14/10/22
it's 6.30am, just saw a next building neighbor be picked up by an ambulance that had the beacon lights on - while i'm sat here watching lone fox on youtube and eating popcorn with chopsticks. life is so weird. not me, life.

16/10/22
so after a few days long dissosiative episode here's what i have to say:
1) i hate the smell of black/grey jeans, or the dye that's used on them. something about it makes me wanna gag.
2) i dug out some hella old vegan pasta casserole from the freezer today and ended up tossing almost half of it. it was actually quite good but it's just that... eating's been tough again. i've been skipping elvanse, and tbh atomoxetine too - because i'm lazy as fuck; my pill dispenser had the 80mg ones in it (i tried upping the dosage again but as it turns out i still get nauseous as heck going above 60mg, even without the meds i quit & with only half a dose of bupropion) and i couldn't be bothered to do anything about that, so. sooo i do actually get hungry now, and in a way i want to eat. i just can't. nothing sounds good to me, thinking about eating things is just... icky. dairy? nope. carbs? ew. sugar? pass. meat? hell no. i went to the store and got some more salad thingies, fruit and veggies, turkish yogurt and dip mix - i'll give those a try tomorrow (later today). i haven't properly eaten in days, not after the failed (hes)burger attempt. that one really didn't end well.

it's been almost three weeks of being sick and mostly just staying inside the house. w is really the one i feel sorry for - our walks have been short af, mostly just around the parking lot. poor gal. not that i'd been doing that great either, it's been one weird ass week. or three weird ass weeks. and why do i taste onion in my mouth?

ohh, and i haven't seen herbert around anymore. RIP herbert. such a brave little guy.