Where Pelicans Fly
November 2022 (3)
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2022
Just when I was thinking how amazing it’s been not to hear that fucking mutt barking for a month, I hear 3 barking fits in less than an hour. So typical too. When you complain to a person or those with leverage reprimand them, it’s only a temporary fix. After a while people figure, what the hell?
Luckily for us, it turns out that the damage to the lanai roof isn’t that big of a deal. It’s still old and needs to be replaced at some point but nothing that’s gonna cost a fortune.
They paved what appears to be a parking lot where the old sewage treatment plant was. So I guess they haven’t put in the new pool yet. I wouldn’t put it past them to make a deal with Bayonet to buy the land in back and build there too. Sooner or later, someone’s going to use it for something and I really hope we’re not here when that happens. I also hope I’m awake when they replace the fence in back which I’m surprised they haven’t done yet. They haven’t announced any actual plans to do this, but given the damage in some spots done by Nicole, I would think it was getting close to happening.
I might have to remove my gel nails because I’m getting some lifting in back that's snagging my hair.
I was so fucking frustrated with my sleep issues because it was preventing me from getting the test kit sooner so I could begin treating the problem sooner. I finally got it early yesterday morning. We got there when they first opened. A guy was telling this lady that he was 57 and had more doctors than friends. Technically, so do I. I would think this medical group has hundreds if not thousands of doctors.
The cool thing is that I might have jinxed it into getting better by picking the kit up! Today is the first day I haven’t had any cramps and I haven’t gone yet either. I did read that eventually, parasite infections do work themselves out. I also read that things like cucumbers, pumpkin seeds, and apple cider vinegar kills them so I started the shots again. Still going to follow through and get a shit sample tomorrow that I can drop off Monday.
The motorcycle never went out today. Just the one that lives behind him. I would be really surprised if it didn’t go out tomorrow, though, because the last time it went out was on a Sunday and the weather should be ideal for it.
I got a purple leopard patterned nightgown by the same company but a different cut since I was short one nightgown for the week. It fits so much better and the material is so much nicer. I wish I’d gotten these all along when I replaced my nightgowns. The other ones are okay but don’t have as good coverage around the chest and the material tends to invite static more.
I also got a partial diamond drill painting of a woman in a fancy gown. This one is longer. It’s 12x24. He got 2-sided tape to put up my abstract painting. So I’m going to see if I can use it for this as well.
Made some blog changes once again. I have the freeloader/termite stories queued up for the future in my Tumblr blog and I decided to use it for past and current journals as well. I just don’t want to use every single blogging site every day because if I find an error or want to add something, I don’t want to have to go around and edit half a dozen or more copies. So I think for now I’ll stick to sharing public stuff on PB, MD, and Tumblr. I’ll update my private PB, LJ and Blogger blogs weekly. I might even update my public PB and MD accounts weekly and just do daily updates on Tumblr and in Word. This way, I only have to correct two accounts instead of four.
I had this dream I was living or staying in this large building and I knew Alyssa was staying there as well. I went down to her place in the basement when I knew she wasn’t there at the time. At the side of a long and wide corridor were steps leading down to the basement. Two small rooms branched off of either side, both belonging to her.
The door to the right was open and I could see a small lamp on in the room. However, I was afraid to step inside because I started to become paranoid that there was a camera somewhere. The other room was dark but I could just make out a few odd objects on the floor like a piece of paper and a piece of clothing. I decided it would be best to get out of there before she got back or someone else caught me, determined to deny it was me if I was caught on camera and accused.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2022
I guess I better get caught up here before I get too far behind. The fatigue is back and driving me nuts. It’s so frustrating because it’s getting in the way of living. At almost 57 years of age, it shouldn’t be a struggle to find the energy to clean, work out, or do whatever. Yet just cleaning one bathroom wiped me out completely. I had to lie down and I thought I might fall asleep. I came close but didn’t so I got back up and I’m determined to live my life until I go out in the morning to drop off my second stool sample.
It’s totally disgusting, but I had to do it a second time because I fucked up the first time by not putting in enough poo. My stomach is still fucked up even though it’s been two weeks. It’s just not quite as bad as it was a week ago. At this point, I don’t know that they’ll find any kind of parasite present.
When we went to the lab yesterday, it was surprisingly crowded in no time at all. We started off with just one phlebotomist and something like 23 scheduled appointments and walk-ins. When we left, there were 3 available phlebotomists and many more people. We didn’t think it would get California kind of crowded in such a small town. One of the first appointments was for a little kid we could hear wailing from the waiting room. And of course, that held things up a bit.
I was actually supposed to drop off the sample yesterday and have blood drawn today. But since I was there anyway, she drew blood and said to keep my appointment for when I make the second drop-off. Then she gave me another kit and I decided this is it. If there’s any problem testing these samples, I’m not doing it a third time. If it is a parasite, it should work itself out. If it's IBS, there really isn’t much I can do about it. This is according to the research I’ve done.
I don’t get these people here. I really don’t. They’re freaking out about the eyesore across from the entrance and urging people to call the county code enforcers to make them clean it up. But they’re perfectly OK with thunderously loud motorcycles. I agree that it is a horrible mess over there, but it’s not like any of us can see it from our houses. What matters more is that people stop mainstreaming retirement communities by allowing such loud sounds in them. Tom said it didn't annoy him, but the prick across the street turned the motorcycle on and off 5 or 6 times for a few seconds, obviously working on it. That’s great that it didn’t wake me up, but I would have been annoyed as hell if I’d had to listen to it while awake. That’s 3 times in barely over 2 weeks now and I still have 5 more months with him. At least. Maybe he won’t go back until May. When you’re retired there’s no hurry.
Another weird thing is the trailer parked in Irma’s driveway. My first thought was that it was connected to Linda, but Tom said Sue was parked in Irma’s driveway for a while. So now I’m thinking it’s connected to her somehow. I really hope she’s not getting ready to move! The last thing I want is a dogless and motorcycleless person close to home moving and allowing someone to move in that does have a motorcycle or a dog.
I’d love to think that the honker was fixing up the motorcycle to load into that trailer tomorrow to sell it somewhere but I know better. People like that don’t just stop riding. If he did get rid of it, he would only replace it. Besides, that’s not his trailer. His is all black. This one is black and white.
Heard the one behind him too, even though that one isn’t as loud. They still don’t belong here!
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2022
Ugh, 8 billion people in the world now. I suppose it will be 10 billion or higher by the time I die. They talk about it declining after a while, but that just doesn’t seem possible. Even if the fertility rates keep dropping, we’re living longer and longer.
I thought I would do some writing and enjoy the break from the planes until they start up again shortly after 5. I got up at 10 and heard five or six just in the 45 minutes I waited till I had my coffee. Totally annoying, and I just can’t get used to it.
I got a lovely perfume sample and the cactus seeds have been planted! I was curious to see how easily (or not) I could pull the dead plants up. The fern slipped right out and the base of the dirt was shaped like the pot it came in. So I filled in the rest with regular soil and scattered cactus seeds at different levels. The thing said to “scatter to the surface” and I wasn’t sure if that meant literally on the surface or just beneath so I did both. If all goes well, it will germinate in 7 to 12 days. It said to keep it lightly misted and after that, it can survive with little to no water. I love these self-watering pots because then they can help themselves to what they want, instead of me and my shitty guesswork.
At first I thought it was paint scrapes but then I realized there were spots of mildew on the shower trim, so I hit it with that horrible, stinky bleach I hate with a passion that blueberry incense doesn’t even seem to cover. It faded but the surface was wet after I hit it with a Clorox wipe, so I may have to spray it again when it’s dry. I noticed that bleach penetrates better on a dry surface. Meanwhile, I was surprised by how well it killed that orange shit. Would be great if it worked on the human type of orange shit that may very well end up prez again.
Bad/good TSH results. I’m up to 6.93, which explains why I’ve been feeling calmer yet have more fatigue. But the good is that this is the lowest I’ve gone without feeling anxious. We’re a bit surprised. He thought I would be a 4 and I thought I would be a 5.
My only concern right now, besides not being able to figure out what's causing my GI issues, is the anxiety returning as it ramps back up fully in my system. It was on the 21st of last month that I scaled back my dose. I know I cut the waiting time to under 30 minutes a handful of times to speed up the process of draining it from my system so I could feel better faster. Well, again it's going to build back up in my system. So how am I going to feel between 6 to 8 weeks of waiting 30 or more minutes consistently? Hopefully only less tired, but it seems my only choices are fatigue or anxiety. I would definitely take the fatigue, but I don’t know anymore if my fatigue is connected to my thyroid for a couple of reasons. I had fatigue when my TSH was a 2. Also, when I was first diagnosed at 32, I didn’t have any fatigue at all. Now I’m thinking that may be more age-related, if not something else. Even my type of sleep disorder can cause that and just things like waking up to pee.
If I’m going to have problems again, it could start around the 23rd. But if I can make it to December 7th without any anxiety, I’m golden. Seems too good to be true for one who doesn’t get off very easily or get many breaks in life. The question is if the anxiety does come back, will it go away if I can get myself to tough it out? I don’t know if I could stand it long enough, especially without knowing for sure when and if it would back off.
It seems I'm just not meant to be normal without being anxious and I choose fatigue over anxiety, as I said. My TSH is low enough that I'm not struggling to keep from gaining weight. I just couldn't lose, but truthfully, I wouldn't have the guts to even if it was easy because I'm afraid of any significant changes that could give this finicky drug a reason to beat up on me again. Unlike most people, I'm just very sensitive to levothyroxine. For me, it has a very fine line between helpful and hurtful. But 6 is better than the 14 I was earlier in the year and this way I'm not dealing with a racy heart, anxiety, feeling like I'm on fire, and those dark thoughts I hate with a passion. The doc is okay with me sticking to this dose but wants me to go to the lab in three to six months, which is fine.
Just when I thought I was finally better, I had horrible cramps and the runs yesterday at the end of my day. Why does this have to happen at the end of my day so often?! I’m wondering if the anti-diarrhea pills delayed it and that’s why I thought I was getting better.
I dropped the stool sample off at the lab yesterday morning and they must be usable because it says my results are pending. I would think they would have notified me by now if the sample was no good. I’m guessing they’ll come in at about 9:30. That seems to be when my last two thyroid results were posted. I’m going to be frustrated if they don’t find anything and give me treatment for it. If it isn’t an infection or parasites, then what the hell could it be? Pretty sure it can’t be cancer or anything dangerous but I would really like to know what it is and how to deal with it. This is ridiculous. I’ve never had this problem before. I had to take ibuprofen for the upper right stomach cramp-like pain as well so I wonder if there’s a connection. Like maybe gallbladder issues. What sucks is that if they don’t find anything that means more testing for me that could be a lot more unpleasant than having to gather shit to throw into containers.
Kim apologized for being so repetitious but I expected little change. And there hasn’t been since she asked me again for my address, so she could send me a birthday card. I think she misses swapping care packages, cards and letters with Aly and wants to take that up with me. Not going to happen. I realize Aly had no problem with giving her address out, but I would prefer to keep my address out of the hands of Crazy. While it’s sweet of her to offer to send me a birthday card, I simply have no desire for postal mail in a digital age. It’s so much easier to keep in touch online. Like I tried to tell the termite, it was totally unnecessary to call each other. If you didn’t want to write or use speech-to-text, she could have done audios on Facebook.
I’m so, so glad to have her and her crazy brood out of my life! I have been so much happier without them and their toxic anger and constant drama in my life. The lies, the exaggerations, the whole damn thing was just pure and utter bullshit.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2022
17 days of having the runs now. This would be so much harder if it wasn’t for the bidet though it’s bad enough. I think I either have an infection or my gallbladder is causing this because I have upper right stomach pain as well. Really hope I don’t have to have it removed! It’s easy surgery but it’s still more appointments and more money.
I still don’t have the results back yet from the lab, but I’m hoping to get them today. They must be good specimens, otherwise I would think I would have been notified by now that they weren’t usable.
Whatever it is, Tom may have it too, because he had the runs yesterday. If he does have what I have, then that rules out my gallbladder.
We bought the latest golf course which is based on that old 90s game Myst. It’s different than their usual game.
Turns out the black and white trailer belonged to the house next to Sue, two houses away from the honker. They loaded it up the next day and then it disappeared.
Linda had rocks delivered.
The best news is that the motorcycle appears to be broken, which would explain him turning it on so many times the other day. He got his trailer yesterday, loaded it onto it, and drove it off presumably to be fixed. I wonder if the influencer jinxed it. LOL. I’ll just enjoy the break from it as long as I can because I’m sure it’s gonna be back any second. I just hope he hasn’t traded it in for something louder that he plans to get soon. I will be so fucking pissed. Hearing it twice a week is annoying enough. I was worried he would start riding it more too, even though Tom pointed out that people get less active with age and not more. Maybe talking to him about it was a mistake because now he may think hey, she can mask it easily enough when she’s sleeping so why not ride it more? No one else seems to mind anyway.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2022
My stomach was better yesterday in that I only had one bout of the runs. But that upper right tummy pain was annoying as hell.
Then I started to have a feeling they weren’t going to find anything wrong in my poo tests, which would be great, but also not so great as that puts me back to square one, trying to solve the mystery of whatever the fuck this could be. Sure enough, they all came back negative.
I did a lot of research into the possibilities and I'd say cancer, Crohn's, and Celiac seem unlikely because those cause weight loss. Besides, I'm going to be 57 in a couple of weeks. No, I won’t complain to Tom when Jessie forgets my birthday because he’ll only defend her or come up with some excuse for her not remembering. Sometimes I just need someone on my side but I’ve never gotten that with him and I never will. I don’t know what it is with him, but if I complain about someone, he goes into automatic defense mode on their behalf. I never understood it, I still don’t understand it, and I likely never will.
Anyway, it's a little hard to believe the last two could start this late in life. I think I'm looking at possible gallbladder issues, or worse, IBS. Having my gallbladder removed would be expensive, but it would be a quick fix. If it's IBS I'm screwed because there's no cure or treatment for that, as far as I can tell. But would IBS also turn itself on this late in life? I guess I'm going to find out soon enough. It doesn’t make sense that I would all of a sudden have the runs every day for nearly three weeks, any more than it ever made sense for me to suddenly become anxious as hell. Therefore, my doc is going to send me for a stomach ultrasound and have me do a Cologuard test. This isn’t the kind of test that I did in Citrus Heights that looks for blood. This looks for cancer. It will be gross, but not nearly as gross as the last tests I did because all I have to do is shit in the container, add a chemical to it, and then seal it up.
It's chilly here now, but I just have to deal with it because this is how it’s going to be till March or April, especially late at night and early in the morning. It’s still not as bad as NorCal, though.
I figured early yesterday morning was a great time to clean the oven because it would warm up the house. So I got the self-cleaning oven started, but then it started getting a little too warm in here and I didn’t want to have to run the AC later, so I stopped it. It doesn’t work well anyway. The only self-cleaning oven we ever had that actually worked was the one in Maricopa.
Speaking of Maricopa, I’m riding through there now in VZ. I definitely miss some parts of our lives there and in Oregon. The M is still there too. Driving by one of the mountain ranges in town, there was a white M painted on the mountainside and it’s still there. However, I don’t know if I can ride right up to our old place because I don’t think they have Google Street views there yet. I’m only about halfway through the trip, so it’ll be a while before I find out.
Now my petra plant is dying. Ugh, I really screwed up these plants! I shouldn’t have given them food so soon after planting them in soil that is already fertilized. I also think some of them couldn’t handle being transplanted. I’m going to try to save what’s left of the plant and moved it into the kitchen under the plant light. The only one that’s still thriving is the fittonia. And of course, my bamboo. The fern died, the ivy died, and so did the money tree. We ordered a new and bigger money tree in a self-watering ceramic pot. You fill the reservoir every month. The color of the pot is listed as turquoise, but it looked like a soft minty green to me. The pink looked more like peach and the rose looked like coral, so that’s why I went with this one.
I’m also getting a nail-stamp sample kit for just the cost of shipping and handling which was $8.
I reminded him that if we ever are in a position to move, to remember that yes needs to mean yes if we were ever in a position not to live in a highrise or on the beach but to get land instead. If that's not what he wants he needs to speak up and be honest! Don't say yes if yes really means no. I get it though; the desire to please your loved one and not wanting to disappoint them. It would be hard for me to say no if he suddenly wanted a cow, even though I have absolutely no desire to own one. But it's still important to be honest with each other because when we’re not, we’re lying to the other person and not being true to ourselves.
Realizing it had been a month since I left the comment on Mark’s obituary and that it should have been seen by now, I requested to have it removed. If the termite wants to keep it as “evidence” it will really piss her off to see it disappear. I wonder if they’ll notify her that “Bud” requested to remove the comment.
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