Never Broken
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2022-10-17 01:10:27 (UTC)

S. Dear deluded S.

I don’t know why, but I feel compelled to write this down. I just witnessed S on the phone to her boyfriend. Mind you, it’s 2:11 in the morning here. The boys and I are up watching Inside the World’s Toughest Prisons, which is why we heard the conversation. Mind you, she also had it on speaker, so I was able to hear most every word.

No wonder our marriage fell apart. S claims to love her boyfriend. He claims to love her. Is it love when you yell and scream at someone daily? Is it love when you call someone stupid? Is it love when you don’t believe your partner because you didn’t see what they saw? Is it love when you lie to your partner because you don’t know how to just say no, I can’t or won’t help you? This is not love, I think. This is abuse.

The actions I described were undertaken by both parties, so the blame is not on S alone. It’s sad to me, that she truly thinks this is love. She claimed I didn’t love her…. I wonder why? Is this all she’s known of men? Abuse? Degradation? Is that why she thinks it’s normal to behave that way? God knows, I was not a perfect husband. I was seldom home and when I was, I quickly found S’s volatile temper to be intimidating, so I tried not to deal with it, or her. Yes, I know I could have, and should have done more as a husband, but I never called her stupid, never yelled at her and I never struck or pushed her in anger…

There’s more to write here, on a different matter, but my hands are tired and I want to spend time with my lads before bed.