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2022-10-15 23:14:38 (UTC)

The Borderline Personality Disorder Sufferer: What’s She Thinking?

I was woken from a sound sleep by S. She texted me about some money I said I’d pay her, as she had done me a favour by buying something I needed last month. I was to have paid her back on PayPal. I was unaware at that time, that my PayPal account had been frozen. This was a tactic on the part of the government here which constantly sees fit to freeze accounts at financial institutions of known Irish republicans/IRA members. My accounts have been unfrozen, but my PayPal has not been reactivated. I told her I would use my dad’s, but my brother saw fit to change the password and, I didn’t know that at the time I’d mentioned paying her that way, but my brother did not tell my father what the password was. He needs help to reset it, as he has trouble seeing the screen. I have asked him three times to do so, and he has promised me he will. Procrastination runs in our family. Then, I told S I’d be happy to get her cash. She said she didn’t want cash, she wanted it on PayPal. I said I would do it, as soon as I was able.

So, I thought she was angry because her text had an angry tone. I tried to explain to her what was going on, and she refused to let me explain. I again offered her cash, and she did not want cash. Now, let’s look at a few things, shall we?

Rent here is £2000. She is paying only £400 of that rent. She is a friend and she does help out which is why her rent is so cheap.

Electricity here averages about £360. Why is it so high? It is so high because in addition to the normal household appliances, she is running an extra refrigerator and an extra freezer. I have not asked her, once, since August of 2021 when she moved in with us, to contribute to electricity or heating costs. Not once.

And she has the nerve to send me what appeared to be a nasty text about £60 she spent on a dog she claims to love who needed medication. I am in no way saying that she doesn’t have the right to feel annoyed. It has taken me longer to pay her back than I had planned. Sometimes though, circumstances are beyond a person’s control.

When I spoke to her, she didn’t seem mad, which was in contrast to the tone of her text. She just said next time I needed a loan, she’d take it out of what she pays me in rent, which was our usual way of doing business. If I needed a loan, I let her subtract it from the rent. If she needed a loan, I just gave her the loan and she paid me back either on PayPal, by driving me places and not getting money for petrol, or with cash. And she didn’t always pay in a timely manner, either. I never said anything, though I should have.

It seems that in our relationship, whether when we were married or now that we are just friends, I am the one who has to be the adult. I am the one who always has to make allowances…. “Well, no one is perfect,” I say, or “You are human. It’s ok.” If we have a fight, I am the one who has to give in and apologise and more than half the time, she doesn’t even let me apologise so words are left unsaid. Getting an apology from S is *rare*. Almost nonexistent. If I do get an apology, it is never an actual apology. She never says the words, “I’m sorry,” or admits wrongdoing. I have learned what an apology from S looks like. To most people, it would not count as an apology.

No, I am not a perfect man. I have flaws and imperfections just like everyone else, and one of them is putting up with S and her abuse? Disorder? Whatever. Still, I can’t see abandoning someone because they have a mental illness which is not their fault, but I don’t feel she should have the right to treat me the way she does, either.