Never Broken
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2022-10-14 20:56:32 (UTC)

Controlling? Paranoia? Normal Behaviour? Anyone care to clue me in?

In August of 2020, my father became seriously ill. During that time, he gave my brother access to his banking information so that he could pay the bills since my father was in hospital for several months.

My father and I have a great relationship. If I need financial help, and he is able, and I ask him, I am free to use his bank card as long as I pay him back when I am able. This bothers my brother. I understand that it bothers him because sometimes, I am not able to repay the debt in a few days. Sometimes, it’s more like a few weeks.

My brother and I have not gotten on since childhood. This goes back to something I did, something most kids do. I told what most people call a “white lie”. It was innocent. I was six or seven. It was about a dog I had. He was the perfect dog. A grand dog. And he was not real. My brother has never believed anything I’ve said since then.

My brother has now taken to looking at my father’s banking information whenever he feels like it. I have advised my father he needs to change the password so that my brother does not have access. If he feels he must be fair, get a new bank card and don’t give me the number, either. He could still help me if he wished, but I would not have the number and my brother wouldn’t be able to look at the banking information online — a fair trade, I think.

My brother is extremely paranoid. My father sees it as worry for him, and to some extent, it is just that. My father is in his seventies and not in the best of health, so my brother is frightened about everything. My father’s illness really scared him. He had not been close to my father before that time.

I just wonder would other parents give their children the passwords to their online banking sites? My friend Carrie has given her credit card number to her three girls in case they need anything, but she says no way in hell would she ever give them online access to the bank accounts that belong to her or her husband.

I am really against my brother doing this and my father telling him to stop it results in responses like “Fine, then I won’t help you at all,” which is totally manipulative.

In other news, I talked to the surgeon today and he is referring me to pain management for an emergency appointment. I feel blessed.