Slowly descending into madness
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Concert - Karnival - MIST
2 September, 1939
I did like your letter. And if I’m dumb and chill, it doesn’t mean I don’t always keep thinking of you— one of the very few constant presences is yours, and so— well no more.
I don’t bother about moving on. I don’t bother about finding someone new. I only care about making my life a bit breathable. And I think, I'm doing it right. I love him, he is constantly present in my head, but I also resent him, that's not anything I'll deny.
Anyway, yesterday, 13th October, I had one of the best days. You know, one of the days that makes you feel, okay, maybe living is not that bad. Maybe the other days when I feel like having edibles and drowning myself in the tub, those are worth pushing through.
I told my parents I have to stay late at my uni because I have an OVC to shoot, which is not entirely a lie. But we did that before our class started. The way we shoot OVC, it's kind of like a hangout so yes it's a lot fun. Last semester, I almost had a heat stroke though (not so fun). Anyway, then after class we went to MIST. And got to see both shohojia and karnival. Karnival was phenomenal on stage. And cherry on top was the weather, it was lightening hard, white light kept on tearing the sky without rumbling and it added a similar atmosphere to the music. This was beyond beautiful. I'm scared of thunders because of the randomness of the loud sound, so glad this was absent today. The crowd went pretty wild everytime it was lightening. I've had a beautiful time. I mean, how true can these lines be - আমি বেঁচে আছি তোমার স্পর্শে, তুমি আমার সত্য।
So yes, I had a great time with my friends. I was so happy at some point they started asking me if I was high, I was like no, I'm as sober as a nun. One of the best times that life can offer me. I didn’t know environment and weather can play such a significant role. I hope to live and live for more days like this ❤️