rotten

i don't wanna vacuum a corpse

poor herbert had fallen into a glass that still had some juice in it. i fished him out and kept gently blowing on his wings until he started walking again, and after a while when i checked on him he had flown away from the plate that i left him on, so i hope he's okay. haven't seen him around though, so it might've been our last encounter ... until i find his corpse lying on a window sill or something - if i don't accidentally vacuum him, that is. kinda disturbing to know that today has a chance of being sad but i probably won't find out until later. c'est la vie, i guess.

this week's comfort show is TBBT (and the office still, i'm on season 8 ep. 6) - even though it's problematic as hell, i can't help but love it. today i watched an episode (s12e14) in which bert goes "i don't really have dreams, when i sleep, or in life" and like the kids these days say: i felt that.

today i visited a 'culture house' - this place that the website describes as such: "offers a safe place to explore a vide array of culture-related activities in a relaxed and supportive atmosphere. The focus is in doing something culture-related, interesting and fun, together with a peer group. Many different groups take place every week and the participants can take part in one or more groups that they’re interested in. Each group is led by a peer leader, a participant that has taken part to the peer leader training organized by the Culture House." the space was cozy, the people seemed really nice and i like the sound of some of the groups too. when i got there i went into one of the employee's office with her and she 'interviewed' me; it wasn't really an interview, or ok, it was, but the outcome was clear from the beginning. they just needed some of my basic info and then she asked if there was something i wanted them to know or thought they should know. we also talked about dogs for like half an hour, lmao - she has a swedish vallhund pup!!! i can't wait to see pictures. when we were done talking another employee showed me around the premises; after the first one asked if he'd do it she assured me he worked there and wasn't just a random dude lol. he was a bit awkward but seemed nice, and funny. after the tour i mumbled something about my parking time being almost up and left, heh. but! i think i'm gonna pick up bullet journaling and maybe a group where they knit things to donate to charity. the groups switch out a bit every five weeks or so, so we'll see what there shall be. i might even sign up for the peer leader training the lady suggested - since i left the church i've missed doing that sorta thing. actually many things today reminded me of what i used to do and love, and made me think about the social services degree again... maybe one day. anyway, it's nice to think i'll have some more structure to my weeks. perhaps i'll go culture house cray-cray and become a 'group person', start going to the movie group, the painting one and the 'bull by the horns' one... oh and start hanging out there during all those do-whatever-hours too. maybe in a few weeks i'll be there every morning tue-fri and just sit in the lounge, drink coffee and stare at the wall painting of moomin troll flying the all inclusive pride flag. who knows! (i know i sound sarcastic but that might actually be really fun.)

i also took w to get her nails clipped (pains me to pay for it but she still screams bloody murder every single time *i* try to do it, so...) and then i went to the library - imma give 'sweet bean paste' another try, as i'd really like to read it. last time i was just way too adhd and after i'd been hoarding the book for like four months, someone else paid to reserve it so i had to return it. i also got some moomin books cause that's just who i am as a person. i think i borrowed a total of like, fourteen books? i'm thinking of placing a bet (against myself) on how many of those books go back untouched this time, lmao.

in the morning i thought i was fine and like i was finally starting to get rid of this fucking plague that's been bugging me... and then i left the house, SEVERAL TIMES - a big, biiig mistake. now it's full on hell again. the question is: will i ever learn? and the answer is: probably not.