Tati

i am a name, a shadow, a cloud

I want to forget myself.
My habits, my appearance, my fears, my failures, my desires, my achievements, my emotions, my opinions, my thoughts, my beauty, my ugly.
I want to be a name, a few roles, and a few attachments. I want to be in first person. I want to forget the reality that I imagined. There is only what is in front of me, and what I refuse to look at.

I want to give up.
It's too stressful, draining, to try so hard and wish so hard to measure up to the expectations of people I don't talk to and don't love. I'd rather simply fall into those categories I was so afraid of people putting me in. Think of me a loser or friendless or nerd all you want, in the end, I will still be alive, I will still eat, smile, laugh, and sleep in a nice bed. No matter how loud or quiet I seem, or how tired I might look, everything remains the same.

I want to be a cloud.
Unalarmed and disinterested in the things I have no control over. I want to live like clouds watching the world end. Free of the effects of judgement, a mere witness, an entity. In my case, a sentient entity.

A lot of people think clouds are ugly, beautiful, formless. Be like them, they continue to float and rain infinitely.

If I cut my legs to pieces, will anything be fixed? No. I'm gonna do my homework.