The Dairy Of Oblivion
2022-10-11 18:51:57 (UTC)

Pls kill me

TW: Text kinda hoarse, contains lots of jealousy and idk wrote this while veryyyy veryyyyy upset lmaooo

I think i just got my first panic attack I not sure If it’s the first one but omfg I’m still shaking, all cause of jealousy bruh okay okay so uh shit happend.. a. Met some “pretty boy” today, now they’re 100% texting that’s why he’s not replying to me for so fucking long OMGGGGG I have major jealousy issues and ugh when he told me that I kinda fell into some sort of limbo (ekhem possibly a panic attack idk I’m not a psychologist ekhem) now my eyes are fucking swollen I hope my parents haven’t heard me sobbing bruh thats the last thing I want rn. Uh to explain something more I’m just jealous because I’m fcking terrified to be replaced and I know damn well that a. has some issues with replacing old friends with new ones, and the fact that he thought that guy was pretty makes me even more sure that he’ll like him (bruh broke down crying again in that point of writing this) and omg a. Said he loves me and he said some times that he likes likes me why I’ll never be enough for somebody why nobody ever honestly loved me instead of playing with me like I’m some attention giver with no feelings or human emotions why I’m so ugh paranoid why I’m letting fear consume my mind and life omg why I’m such a failure.. why I’m so unlovable why he constantly lies to me (theres an option that he doesn’t lie to me but I’m so paranoid and can’t believe some things ha fun)- okay okay i think im better now idk if the ppl reading this will understand what’s the point of this entry, I can’t write logically when panicked? torn? Idk how to describe it lmao, excellent and I began to forgive a. and forget all the times he made me cry or upset but after what happened today omg I’m sure I’m going to hate him again like I used to my god I just want a happy and healthy relationship with anyone tf and when that fucker told that he asked that boy for his messenger only cause he was “pretty” it literally stabbed me in the fucking heart because he never tells me I’m pretty, even jokes constantly that I’m ugly (appearance is one of my biggest complexes, he knows damn well about it :3) and omg I feel betrayed and not good enough again, even tho we’re not 100% “together” (BRUH I KNOW YOU DONT LOVE ME A. YOURE JUST LYING TO ME THAT YOU DO TO KEEP ME BY YOUR SIDE I KNOW YOU POST ALL THOSE CUTE KAWAII PICS OF US ON FB ONLY TO MAKE THAT WHORE YOU LIKE (yes another one, Lolololololol) JEALOUS WHY WONT YOU JUST LOVE OR LEAVE ME ALONE-
Bruh okay this entry was full of emotions, I must be mentally ill af because nobody sane reacts like that to a simple, regular thing :). I think I’m finishing this piece of vent thingy idc how I spell this lmao, wish me luck in not being replaced for the 73283737th time in my life :)))

-Void logging out (trying to hold back tears) or something-