Slowly descending into madness
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2022-10-11 21:49:48 (UTC)

So I was listening to dekho by ..

So I was listening to dekho by smooches yesterday while enjoying the big round ass moon's view right, I was all up in my feelings and I wanted to be loved and all that sappy shit. You know the wishful thoughts, I wish someone would treat me like that? I wish someone would be patient with me like that? All those stuff.

Then later, because of full storage, I was deleting some ss and I was going through all the times penguin tried to hurt me. Idk why I felt like I needed to take ss of these really hurtful things he said to me (prolly I wanted to hurt myself) I went through all the trauma again. How can someone say "they love someone" and then pull that kind of shit? I'm embarrassed second handedly and pretty disgusted with me and my patience.

Whatever, never want to be with anyone else ever again. I'm super traumatised 🤪 and I just want to find some peace within myself. Prolly can't ever again, he took really great amount of time to slowly break me into million pieces, can't ever put them back together and be a whole person ever again. That's the price I gotta pay and I don’t even know for what.

Had another fight with mommy. This never-ending bullshit until I kill myself is kind of getting on my nerves. It’s not only just, oh my God, my mother is hurting me, I'm crying, but also my blood pressure is high enough to give me neck pain for hours. I just want a little bit of peace. That's all.

I'll write later. যাই, দেখো শুনে আরেকটু মন মেজাজ খারাপ করি আর কান্নাকাটি করি।