rotten

world mental health day

herbert's still vibing, chilling, living his best life. i accidentally slapped him this morning and felt so bad for throwing him off for a second that i put some sugar water in a bottle cap for him. soon i'll probably have a fly farm in my apartment...

it's sick day number 14, or maybe 15? i finally called the ER. the nurse said the on-call doctor might renew my prescriptions for duact and the evohaler that's been helping me breathe, and i sure hope they do. the patient list was full for tonight and she recommended that neededth i call again, i should do so during 'actual business hours', in case they needed to run some tests or take rtg's or whatever. i didn't tell her that i have no sense of time whatsoever, just mumbled something in agreement. i really need start hunting down a silent and pretty analog wall clock.

i worked a little bit today, as s asked me for help. i enjoyed it - super annoying that i need to be reminded to check on work. why don't i just work every day now that i probably could? just doesn't even cross my mind. the speech recognition wasn't very funny today, although it had put 'keikkalaisia' down as 'kreikkalaisia' (gig workers as greek) and that did make me spontaneously blow air out of my nose in amusement. as my job is mostly just me listening to people talk, some of them i'd really like to meet or see a picture of. too bad pathologists apparently aren't very 'media sexy' - when i google them i only find links to their thesis' and such (and my curiosity has yet to become overbearing enough to make me resort to facebook).

as it is the world mental health day i thought it was only fitting to have sasha alex sloan playing in the background the entire day. i should vacuum, do a load or two of laundry, mend some clothes (especially the flannel a & s's dog ripped), pot a few plants, cook... instead i just finished a bag of rye chips and a jar of garlic cream cheese while lying on the couch with my laptop. so, the productivity level's as insane as ever. i guess i could blame it on the sickness though, and on how - just in time for this day - my mental health decided to plummet. a while back i was on the phone with m and talked about how i'm nowadays doing better than ever, and she reminded me of how that's still not saying much. my defensiveness reared it's ugly head for a nano second there, but i know she's right. i might not want to actively die every second of every single day, and i might be pulling "only" one or two all-nighters a week, might be able to work part-time, may have paid off all my loans and installments (student loan excluded) and yada yada yada. but i'm still in a point where anyone else, if they weren't already receiving psychiatrical help, would seek some. i wish i'll be granted some kind of *actually useful* therapy/rehab in the near future - it kinda enfuriates me that i haven't been offered more already. so many times i have heard professionals talk about how my dgs and especially the combo i have can only be treated/managed in therapy, and---
the brain fog is real, and it just hit me like an axe. maybe i'll continue some other time. yay, my mental health, yay.