Notes from my Black
The hate transference
It’s pretty simple. My family has said and done things that hurt her feelings. Some of the things were unkind to be sure. So she has hated them for years. It’s also true that these things happened years ago… but her anger and hurt never left. She claims she has mirror touch, and she claims this makes her feel these things more deeply. I don’t know how. It’s not my place to question.
Recently she had the revelation that her issues with my family were really issues with me. She says that since I didn’t and don’t see these things happening and didn’t or don’t correct them, that she doesn’t feel safe or trust me. The thing is though, she is searching for reasons to not trust me.
Yesterday I talked with my mom. We talked about a few things and she says my demeanor changed in the middle of the conversation. She says I whispered at one point, which is ridiculous. I could have had the conversation on speaker and it would have been exactly the same.
Like I said, it looks like she’s searching for reasons to not trust.
So last night I could tell she was a little frisky. I chose to not shower knowing she’d opt to just sleep. I don’t know if This is poor behavior on my part. I just really didn’t want to feel like a service station.