Gentleman ♀

In Terms Of Parents, Mine Are Mid

Hi,

Did you know that teachers actually use their ability to look on your screen through theirs!? My teacher just told me to start on my math while I was writing in here and that means she saw my diary entry and the AO3 tab I had opennnnnnnn! Ewwwww! Other than that though, today's been going pretty good. Whelp, nvm, just got home and mom's already pissed at me for no reason. Idk why I even bother coming home at this point, why be at home and get yelled at for everything 24/7 when I could just be at the park freezing my ass off or something. Just one more hour of this crap 'till I'm at drama club. I don't even know if I'm gonna enjoy that either. All I do is pretend to be a dog, say something sarcastic, then go home. Sounds embarrassing now that I think about it. Guess I was never really one for caring though lol. I'm more about doing stupid shit, crying about how much I regret it, then listening to some edgy playlist and pretending like I'm having a joker arc or some shit lol.

That reminds me, my mom took my meds again. Apparently, I just can't have them because. No reason, she just doesn't want me in charge of them even though she can't remember to give them to me. She says it's my responsibility to remember them, I agree, that's why I want to keep them in my room instead of across the house in a spot I never glance twice at. She just goes around constantly switching between screaming that she just wants to go on vacation without us and never come back and apologizing for getting so mad only to go back to screaming. At this point I'd rather be in school (except math class) than be at home. I hate it because I feel like I'm overreacting but it's honestly how I feel sometimes. It's the next day and things have gotten a little better. Although I haven't talked to mom much today so that might be it :/ On the bright side, it's Friday and we have night ziplining with the girl scouts. That means staying up late and zipping through the trees! I can't wait for it! In the meantime though, I guess I'm just sitting here, bored.

When and if I have kids (I'd adopt Xb) I hope I'm not like my parents. At least not entirely like them. Although I guess that's what most kids say. I like how my mom is artsy and does girl scouts, she taught me not to be an asshole of a kid and to love myself. I love how my dad is also artsy and encourages me to try new things and go out of my comfort zone. That's how I want to be with my kids. What I don't want is to have anger issues or a power high like my parents. Like my mom, I swear she gets high on the fact that she can ground us. If I question her at all she gets super pissed and is crabby for the rest of the day. I am her child and I do what she says with no questions asked, or at least that's what she wants. She can laugh at the things I do and say and she can judge me all she wants but as soon as I even snicker at something she does I'm so disrespectful and I treat her like shit and yada yada yada. Then there's my dad. He just randomly gets in a shitty mood and takes it out on everyone else. Once I simply asked him to grab me a sheet for my bed from downstairs and he started screaming at me about how I should have asked him while he was down there and that I don't take anyone else into consideration. Another time he just barged into my room and said "If you don't do the dishes right now I'll be your worst nightmare" like he was scary or some shit. I just laughed at him. If I'm ever a parent I'm going to try my best to be calm and fun. I'll keep secrets, try to see things from other's perspectives, take time to calm down when needed, and let my children question me. Not disrespect me more than a prank or a joke, but they should be allowed to ask why I do or don't want them to do a certain thing.

Oooooooo! Do you know what I'll be old enough to do next year? I'll be able to get a job at Mapleside! During fall they hire 14 and up people to work the food stands and other attractions at their fall festival. Emma had a job there last year and if I'm remembering right she ended up crying in a porta potty but she also has super bad anxiety and skips school for a week when even the littlest thing happens so I'm not sure if that's something to be concerned about or not... It looks fun and I'd love to serve people warm cider and apple fritters but if I'm gonna end up crying like that too it might not work out so well. I'm also just really awkward so it's possible I might just show up, make myself look like an idiot, then quit the next day. I think I could enjoy it though, just gotta remember to take my Zoloft and do deep breaths or something lol. I also have been thinking about getting into babysitting. Well, actually, I've been wanting to babysit for a looooong time but I've been a bit too young 'till now. I mean, I still am pretty young but saying a 13 year old is going to help babysit your child sounds better to the ears than a 12 year old. I'll be 14 in less than 20 days so that'll sound good too. I visited my uncle Tims house and his baby was so cute that my mom and I have been begging him to let us watch his babies. He... has not answered yet... I don't think he trusts me and my mom since we're not the most mature people out there. It's not like we're gonna kill his kid though, we're not immature like that, we just like putting pictures of Nicolas Cage all over his house. My aunt's actually tryna get my other aunt to let her take me to babysit her kids too. Molly's kids, just a note for future me. I love little kids! Even when they annoy me they're just too cute and fun! Who could resist some chubby-faced angel who just wants you to carry them around on your shoulders for two hours and make friendship bracelets with you? Not I, that's for sure.

I have a few instances of big news for y'all in the next entry. I'd write it now but if I look for it later in life I don't wanna start it off with bad news so stay tuned lol! Buh bye!

~ Gentleman