Never Broken
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2022-09-30 05:58:45 (UTC)

Anxiety chasing me again!

Most of the time, anxiety nibbles at me like a little animal nibbling on a piece of cheese. It is always there in a part of my mind and I must work constantly to suppress it. Still, there are times, like now, when Mr. Anxiety chases me, knocks on my door and demands entry. Failing to get the entry he desires, he batters down all my defences and, breaking down my mind’s door, barges right in. At that moment, my fighting ability is at a low ebb.

I passed a lazy day yesterday watching videos on YouTube and reading the various books that I am currently engaged with. So, my therapist would ask, if I had one that is, what is making you anxious? Finances, for one thing. There is not enough money to go round, to be sure. Yes, I have a job, and a good one at that, so I suppose in that regard I am blessed, but with outstanding medical debts for services not covered by NHS or HSE for both myself and one of my sons, I am floundering at the moment. I had hoped to sell one of the dogs who is of a pure breed, but in this current economic climate, it does not look very likely. Still, I must try harder.

I am also anxious about the current situation with my father which is not as bad as it has been in the past, as I am using my favourite avoidance tactic until things settle down a bit.

Surgery has me a bit worried also, I must admit. It is a sort of background worry, but the worry is ever present. Oh, but I can hear the priests say, “Offer it up.” Ah, but don’t they know that is easier said than done?

I am also ashamed to report, that I forgot to do one of the necessary chores around here yesterday, so now I have that on my to-do list as well. I texted a lot with Carrie yesterday, watched Mass and looked up prayers online, but forgot a chore I do every! Damn! Day! Ahh well, there’s nothing for it now.