I Hate Middle School
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Guess Who Didn't Take Their Meds This Week!?
I don't know how to start this so I'll just get right into it. I saw Zeke at school the other day... I don't know what to do. I wanted to say hi to him but I didn't want to interrupt his conversation. Aaaaaand I was super nervous. I don't mean to make it sound super dramatic but also like- how do you reconnect with someone who left you with no warning? He was like my best friend and I thought we clicked so well. We'd chance each other down the halls, do group projects together, and I just really liked him. Then, the day I decided to give him my number he disappeared. He just stopped going to school. I looked for him every time I walked into class for almost two months before I accepted that he wasn't coming back. I emailed him to see where he went and asked teachers and then one day I overheard one of his friends say that he simply decided to do school online. He made the decision to go online and knew about it beforehand and just didn't tell me. I've felt so betrayed about it for so long and now he's back and I don't know whether I should be talking to him again or not. I really want to be friends with him but I don't know if that's normal. Could anyone give me advice? Thanks...
On the brighter side, drama club is starting up again. This year I have so many more friends in it. I've got Riley, Jacey, Vinny, Olivia, Dessie, Quinn, Rowan, Emma, Oliver, McKenna, and tons of other kids. The tryouts we're yesterday and I actually decided to go this year. I'm trying out for Rufus (a sarcastic dog) in a play called Are We Scared Yet. It's a smaller play but it's only the first play this year. We're doing now instead of one. We're doing Are We Scared Yet first and Highschool Musical later in the year. Being small though, there are only like 22 cast and 10 crew needed. That means not everyone is guaranteed to be in it. There are 226 kids in drama club starting out this year and for the beginning play over 150 will most likely be left jobless for a while. I cannot stand that so instead I'm trying out for cast and if I don't get in I'm applying for crew. This year my big goal is to get a special mention at the end of the play. Last year some girl named Sophia got a shoutout for doing all she can and being dedicated to the club and as soon as I knew that could happen I had my sights set on getting my name up there. So (since there's only been two meets) I've asked the teacher a few questions in my free time about the show and since he said he was too busy to take pictures of and post the script on google classroom for us to study and practice to, I stayed a bit late and took pictures of the entire script, organized them since they were backward Xb, and sent them to him so he could post them. He did and he mentioned that I did it right there on the assignment! I know it's small but that's the entirety of drama club seeing that I'm dedicated enough to do the teacher's work that he didn't have time for to benefit them. I hope this goes well!
Whelp, it's the next day and just like I thought, I failed the test. I technically don't know that for sure but I do know that I only got 3/like15 right on the first try then only knew how to fix like 2 of them so I'm screwed. And, with the study guide, I forgot it in my locker so when we were asked to take them out I asked her if I could get it. All she did was shrug so I reasonably assumed I could go get it since my locker is literally right outside the door. But when I went to go get it she started yelling at me saying that she never said I was allowed to go get it and to sit down. I don't know if I felt more stupid or more angry. Either way though, Mrs.Novak, in my eyes, went from being a meh teacher to a mean one. After that I pretty much threw a hissy fit in my graph paper book writing about how much I hate math. It's not like I don't usually hate math, I just don't usually write about it while doing it. I legitimately wanted to cry for a good half hour but then I realized I shouldn't give a shit and went in the bathroom and vandalised the wall. Not like writing my initials or a swear word or some shit though, I just wrote "Our worth and intelligence won't be determined by a letter. You're more than your grades" hoping that some other kid about to cry over a letter realizes how dumb everything is.
I hate everything right now. I know I'm overreacting but I've literally been on the verge of tears all day. Going back and forth between wishing someone would hit me so hard with a bat that I won't wake up for a month to wanting to set the school on fire and calling it a protest against our idiotic school system. Idk whether to scream or cry. Whatever. I guess I'm just not feeling it lately, probably because I haven't been taking my meds. It's not my fault though, my mom took it because she thought she could do a better job than me. Plot twist, she constantly forgets to give me my meds and they're not in plain sight in my room so I forget too. Needless to say, I am now in charge of my meds again and since I have a bunk bed I'll just store them and a bottle of water right above my head so there's no way or excuse why I can't take them. I'm so fucking sick of being sad. Not crying though... I used to not be able to cry, it sucked. Crying hurts so bad but feels so good and I think I need it every once in a while. I think I'm going to go to sleep now, goodnight!