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Pinwheels and Tangerines
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2022-09-26 20:12:00 (UTC)

Pressure in my palms- aminé

I was today years old when I learned that Google owns youtube haha.
I ended up watching some videos about personality disorders because it's so crazy how symptoms overlap. I'm sure I have something haha but we all probably do. I know I'm avoidant but like all the things that I thought were effects of trauma also turn out to be signs of autism and stuff. I was listening to a woman explain her schizoid personality disorder and its like looking at a mirror of myself the way she talks. I was in therapy but stopped once I moved, maybe I should go back. Some introspective

schizotypal- I can say I'm not
schizoid-am I?
narcissistic- I can say I'm not
the dark empath vs the narcissist- the same thing just different terms
schizoid vs avoidant- I'm more avoidant and don't think schizoid
avoidant vs autism- unclear and will do more research on it later.

Dr. Grande says those with schizoid and avoidant personality disorders are more likely to have other mental disorders or other personality disorders.

Dr. Ramani. Different types of empathy are cognitive, emotional, compassionate and each serves a different purpose. Dark empath may not have attention seeking aspect but pretty much the same as narcissism. Cognitive: understanding someone else's feelings. Compassionate: cognitive empathy in action. Narcs are good at cognitive; they use it to get intel and will use it against you.
"Love is protecting and guarding the vulnerabilities of the person you care about."

Some people intellectualize feelings. They can't name an emotion exactly but can tell you what they're physically doing. Like if you imagined a truck coming toward you, what is your reaction? A) I would feel scared vs B) I would freeze or get out of the way. Apparently, there are more UFO sightings in the news and really tiktok covers the news better than the news outlets.

Just received a call that my aunt died. She was also my godmother. She's been battling cancer and just like that everything I've pondered over today seems trivial. The family is getting together. I dread being around so many people on such a somber occasion. I don't know what to say and I don't want to be hugged or touched or given looks but at the same time I don't want to appear cold-hearted or like I don't care. In situations like this, someone has to be the strong one. I can process later and on my own.

I don’t smoke or drink. I’m not against it, just not for me. I understand why people choose to cope with it, I’m sure it’s a quicker numbing anecdote than music.


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