Tati

Changed my mind, too tired

Sometimes I make up whole, elaborate plans to make friends but then the rush goes away and I feel drained even thinking about trying to participate in an active conversation with someone without looking and sounding like I’d rather to die.

Even having a text convo with someone gets tiring after a few minutes. But I hate small talk.

I’m just too tired to attend to social relationships.

I feel like even trying to conjure up the motivation or will to talk to someone with enthusiasm would leave me lying across my desk face first.
My phone is dying.

I think I’ll taken extra pen (black) to school today so I can work on doodle rep at school. I’m not sure about that book. The Ghost of the Opera or whatever. It’s hard to get into books but that’s just cuz I’m so worried about spending my time the right way. In this case, id say it’s just doing what I want. If I feel like watching a movie, I’ll do it. If I feel like working, I’ll do it. If I feel like sleeping, I’ll do it. If my nose is itching, I’ll rip it off. That’s all there is to it.

So yeah. Charge phone, put charger in bag. Place extra pen and bring sketchbook. I’m too tired to care about the other people there. Too much work and energy for no reason whatsoever. When it comes to loneliness, I understand that it’s an issue for me, but if I don’t feel like I have the energy to even talk to people right now, then I can’t help that. I’ll just be glad I’m not forced to do it for a club or something. I still like complimenting people though so I might do that.

Tomorrow will probably be an elita roar day.

I pray that it’s a decent day.

I think I’ll try skipping lunch (should I bring a bar?? Nah no point, just water) in the stairwell or maybe ask if I can stay in the classroom today.

But yeah. I’m not gonna feel bad about being alone because I know I can become satisfied with my personal life, and I’m the only person in my life I can really rely on to have an opinion about me unbiased. And I do have friends, technically. Just not in the school.

So yeah. I’ll probably be almost late to every class tomorrow. 🪂🪂 oh my gosh I start almost every 3 sentences with so yeah. 😷that’s about it.

-pen
-sketchbook
-alarms
-charge
-that one assignment ig

I’m so tired