Gentleman ♀

Hollow Jaw

Hello,

Soooooo, I'm not sure if I told you this but I've been sacrificed as the leader of my choir group. And yes, I was sacrificed, I didn't want to do it but neither did anyone else so some girl I don't even know voted ME to be the leader. Whether I wanted to do it or not though, I'm very happy with my role as leader now. I like conducting them and everything but here's the problem. They don't listen to me! Every day I start with "alright, do you guys wanna start now?" and it's not really a question but either way they still answer no. I tell them we're going to practice a certain song again and they say they don't want to. I love my group but I'm also so sick of them. Why can they sing every practice (when I force them to sing) but not on the test!? It's ridiculous. Speaking of which, today we had a test where each group sang and the rest of the class told us what we did good and what we did badly. According to them, all they could hear was me! That's both embarrassing for me and them! After they told us our flaws we were given the chance to sing again and guess what? Even once both the class and I told them to be loud and confident nobody sang! We didn't fail the test but we might as well have. I was upset and asked Mr. Albright what I can do to get them to listen to me. He said to be more demanding and not give them a choice but I feel like that's mean. I'll do it anyways but I think they're already mad at me for making them sing. Even Dessie looked angry. Whatever.

Today I get to leave school early! I'm pretty excited since that means, you know, not being in school, but that also means missing the most interesting class I'm in. We're even doing a really interesting game! But I guess it doesn't really matter now. I'm leaving early to go to an oral surgeon I guess since my wisdom teeth are coming in and that hole in my jaw is still there. Did I ever write about that here? I guess I'll tell you about it then. I was in like 3rd grade maybe and my dentist found a weird hollow spot in my jaw. A cyst on my left side. They ended up deciding that they needed to do a surgery where they cut my gums, go into my jaw, then pretty much just scratch around in the hollow spot with a little tool to make bone grow back. It was relatively simple, my neighbor actually did it on me which was a bit odd. Imagine walking into surgery and your neighbor is just like "hey there!" it was cool though. After they did it I just kinda sat on the couch for a week or two eating ice cream then I was good to go. That's also where I got bunny bun who is one of my favorite stuffed animals lol. My grandma got him for me. That's also when I got a little heart pillow that said "girl power" or something like that from Logan. I miss being his friend, too bad he thinks he's too cool for me 'cause he's in high school now lol. Anyway, they said that last dentist visit they noticed that my jaw never actually filled in. Is it bad that I kinda want to have to get another surgery? Even if my jaw hurts like hell, I think I'd rather sit at home and eat ice cream and chicken all day for a week than be at school.

I'm back from the appointment and it went about how I expected. They looked at my jaw, felt around at my jaw, then said they needed a ct scan to see how hollow it is. It looks pretty hollow to me but they said that some of it could just be some not very dense bone. I'll see if I can get a photo of it to put on here. They said there's a good chance I'll need another surgery though so that's lovely. Apparently I'm also gunna need my wisdom teeth out sometime in the next year or two and maybe even another jaw surgery sometime later in life to fix the clicking in my jaw. Lovely, right?

It's a few days later again and it's 3am. No, I didn't fuck up my sleep schedule again, I've actually been doing really good with going to sleep at 11, I just woke up to go pee TUT. Back on topic though, life's been odd. So, we had a presentation on cyberbullying and how to like- not send nudes or something, and some random girl told me that someone had a crush on me. I was confused and not even sure if she was talking to me but eventually she confirmed that someone liked ME. I asked who but obviously she didn't tell. She and her friend said I'd only talked to them once and that "I'd know when the time comes" whatever the hell that means so I guess I'll let you know when the time comes lol. I'm pretty sure I already know who it is though. It's this Sienna girl from my choir class. A few days ago she made me a mushroom ring and now, the day that those girls said someone likes me, she gave me a note and said not to open it 'till I got home. I waited most of the day but ended up opening it on the bus. She wrote that she thought I was really cool and wanted to get to know me better and gave me her number. A bit dramatic but Okie Dokie. It's not a bad thing, I just don't see why she couldn't say "wanna be friends" irl. She's pretty quiet though so I guess I get it. It's kinda funny though 'cause she's in my choir group that I lead and she's one of the girls who won't sing no matter how much I practically beg them to practice. She doesn't even look at me! Either way though, I texted her and we talked about pets for a while then she offered to give me a cupcake at lunch today. I said that I'd appreciate that but she never brought me one soooooo I guess not then??? Whatever.

I have an appointment with my counselor today. Second one ever. I guess my dad's taking me this time and I'm interested in how that'll go. SHe'll probably be like who the hell is his guy!? I told my mom the same thing and she asked why the lady wouldn't think that about her. I said plainly that she talks like a mature adult and acts like a sane person. Dad'll probably just tell her how he loves me and all but I'm a little shit who never does the chores he asks me to do. My dad trying to be serious is the saddest thing I've ever seen. He just can't pull it off. He's not a serious man, or a good liar. He thinks I'm dumb and that if he repeats something enough I'll just magically belive it. I'll let you know how it goes later. Buh bye!

~Gentleman