Gone mental

I wasn’t going to

I wasn’t going to get on my phone… I went to sleep at 10 and I wasn’t going to pick it up until morning. She messaged me. She asked if I wanted to talk at midnight. Then she followed it up with “guess who doesn’t want to talk?” Well, I was asleep. I saw the message on my home screen 45 minutes ago. Guess who can’t sleep now!

Is this a control thing? Am I supposed to be at her beck and call? You know a few weeks ago I may have felt like I should. I don’t think that now. I don’t feel that now. But I do also feel like there is the expectation that I am. That’s not healthy. That’s not normal.

Well… I’m up now. Here with my son, who is also trying to sleep. This is not at all the life I pictured 30 years ago. It’s not even in the same realm.