Slowly descending into madness
2022-09-19 04:22:40 (UTC)

Simpler times.

Oh God, I will never vape again, I will never vape again, I will never vape again. 2 days ago, at the concert, I borrowed Sadi's vape for 15 minutes and now my throat is hurting so badly. I can't even gulp. I'm never ever doing this again. These mfs out there will tell you that vape is 100 times better than cigarettes and this is pure bullshit because I've seen my friend altering between vape and inhaler just a few days ago. Vape made her breathing problem worse. My throat is huuuurrrrttttinngggg.

Anyway, I've been sad ever since I came back from the concert. I'm not made for concerts truth to be told. And probably will never attend one again. Cause, I missed my sister there. Growing up together, in the same room, we used to listen to these songs together. So it felt like I was betraying her. I called her crying today, it felt a lot better. Sometimes I want to go back to simpler times. Then again, it was never really that simple, was it? In my head, it is, but things were tougher back then because of my parents, I didn't have any friends, it was so lonely. I don't know if this is nostalgia or simply my hormones driving me nuts. This period was extremely hard to deal with, I bled a lot, one of my friends said I started looking like a ghost.

I am not doing well. But it's okay, life never promised happiness in the first place. So, I'm not exactly disappointed. I resigned from one workplace 2 days ago. Balancing was getting tough. I have only 2-3 months left before I graduate. I figured I don't want to stress myself out right now.

Now the real question remains: do I want to go on a batch trip this December or not.. I honestly do not feel like going anywhere. I want to stay home, read books, lie down, and lie to myself that I can relax, I always don't want to keep myself busy. I guess I just want to go back to simpler times.