Slowly descending into madness
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2022-09-18 00:44:02 (UTC)

Concert- ICCB

When I woke up yesterday, the whole idea of going to concert seemed like a burden. I made plans 1 month ago, I paid for the ticket and that's why I went. But truth is, I've been extremely sick for the last 4 days because of my period. PMS was easy peasy lemon squeezy and the period was so hard on me. Hormonal imbalance, loss of appetite, cramps, and gastric pain nearly killed me this month.

The concert was.... phenomenal. So glad I went there, it was more than everything I asked for. I could have enjoyed more if I wasn't so sick. I didn't have lunch or dinner for the last 4 days. I can't eat anything at all except for liquid. Whenever I eat, I feel like throwing up.

One of the dreams I have on my bucket list came true yesterday. I finally got to see aurthohin. And, truth to be told, I'm still mesmerized. I waited so long for this. However, the problem began when they started performing epitaph. Things went a bit downhill, at that point. I was standing alone, on my period, devastated because of hormonal imbalance, with migraine, and the words started hitting my vulnerable mind like crazy. And I started crying because I realized how lonely I am and how all I ever wanted in my 23 years of life just a fucking bit of love, and I have everything but that. There's no love for me, there's no understanding for me, I will try to keep on doing everything for the other person, and the other person will not give one bit of shit about me. And when they finally do, I will push them away, because God knows, I am not used to kindness. So, call me a witch, call me a lost cause, I'm fine with them, because that's what I expect to hear from you anyway.

One nice thing happened, though, I didn't get molested. In fact, out of nowhere, a stranger dude started to protect me by making a barricade with his hands, and kind of saved me from getting crushed. He also pulled me up when I sat down cause my legs gave up. This was so nice, I don't even know who he was. But I could see he was sweating because of the heat, so I offered him the last bit of the water I had carried. Because, if someone is nice to you, you ought to be nice to them. It's the rule.

Overall I had a good time, except the loud music and bright lights caused migraine. It was a good day without the physical sickness.

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