thenamelessone's diary
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2022-09-13 23:51:17 (UTC)

September 13

I did a photoshoot with Sophie. I payed her like last time, but she didn’t ask for much. I always shoot outside, but this time I tried indoors. I didn’t want to rent a studio, so I did it in my room. I have basic studio equipment, it was good enough for this shoot. It wasn’t a simple photoshoot, I wanted to try some complicated things, which can’t be done outside, so I’ve never done this before. So I prepared a lot yesterday and today before the shoot. I practiced a lot, tried out settings, and rearrenged my room, I made it into a studio, it was a lot of work.

Right from the beginning the shoot didn’t go well, and it didn’t improve later. The pictures were just bad. I prepared two different concepts for this shoot and neither of them worked. And I couldn’t handle the situation well, when I saw that the photos were not good, I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t know what to tell the model, so I became anxious. And when my anxiety kicks in, I can’t think, my brain gets blocked, so I couldn’t think about how to improve the photos. I didn’t really change anything, I just went through the poses that I had planned. These things happen, especially when someone tries a complicated thing for the first time, so this is not a reason to react so badly, I have to learn to handle these situations better. If I didn’t became so anxtious, maybe I could’ve come up with something to solve the problem.

Now that I think about it, I think there were times previously when I was in similar situations, and I could handle it better. But this time I sensed that I wasn’t really clicking with Sophie, maybe that was part of the reason for my reaction. There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s really nice. We just couldn’t really connect.

I couldn’t really tell what Sophie sensed about the situation, but I didn’t see on her if she felt bad. She actually liked some of the photos. Or at least that’s what she said. Maybe some of them won’t be so terrible after I edit them, we’ll see. But I don’t know what I will send Sophie or what to tell her if none of the pictures will be good, or only a few of them. I don’t want to make her feel bad. We agreed that I send them to her, and both of us can use them.

Since both of our shoots weren’t so great with Sophie, I don’t think I’ll try to work with her in the future. I don’t know what the problem is, I can’t say anything that’s wrong with her, we just don’t work well together it seems. But who knows what the future brings, maybe I’ll have an idea someday that she would be good for.