A lifetime of pain and healing
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2022-09-01 06:59:18 (UTC)

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I'm not even sure where to start really. I think I have too much time to just sit and think honestly. My family is a lot of drama. My mom has been in abusive relationships with men my whole life. She finally moved out and left him. He harasses her and goes to extreme lengths to get her to go to him. She is seeing another guy but I just feel like he's the same as the rest of them. I met him today and she was actually smiling and I had never seen her behave with anyone that way. It kind of looked like 2 teenagers flirting. I talk to her about her choice in men and she just doesn't seem to care. She is expected to have another stroke and is supposed to be as stress free as possible. She can't seem to leave her ex alone and doesn't make effort to really keep him out of her life. I have friends that are in the same kind of relationships and they are the same way. Doesn't matter what is done to them they are okay with it. It really stresses me out. I blocked my mom's number and it took her a week before she noticed. She came to my house when she did notice and said I told her that I would help her. I told her that she didn't take any of my advice and running back and forth between men is a bad idea. I told her I didn't want to be involved. During that week I had her blocked I was so relaxed and kind of relieved I didn't have to deal with the drama. We can't change who people are or who they choose to be with but I can't figure out why someone would want to be treated like crap. My aunt is also worked up about the situation saying that she took everyone's blood pressure after dealing with my mom's ex for 9 hours and everyone's blood pressure was high. She said she can't live like that and don't know why anyone would want to. She continued to say it was like talking to a brick wall because my mom will say she knows what she needs to do but has no will to actually do it. My mom doesn't have much time left due to her health so I feel the drama is what might kill her. I know I should feel some kind of way about her death but honestly I have mixed feelings. I feel like if she died I would feel relief of some kind. I know that sounds terrible but her and her relationship brings out every negative emotion I could possibly feel and I don't want to feel that way. It's like every interaction just kills a little bit more of me. The dude is a complete narcissist and she is so wrapped up in his lies. All my life when he would rage out and carry on she would say it's not that big of a deal and don't worry about it and it's okay and it's not as bad as you think. He ruined all holidays. Can't remember a time he didn't stomp our presents and kick down the Christmas tree. Super verbally abusive. All the time threatening to kill us. They would have physical fights and the furniture would get thrown around, massive holes in the walls, and the cops eventually would get called.. that is just the beginning of this dude's crazy shit. She made us live like that completely disregarding the effect it was having on me and my brothers. He got to where he was physically fighting me and my brothers and then my mom would want us to apologize to him after he attacked us claiming it would keep the peace. Peace being the joke because there was no peace. He tried to fight me a couple weeks ago because I told him to leave her alone and stop harassing her because it could give her another stroke. Then had some homeless girl try to attack me that night. I can't seem to get these people out of my life. I move and switch jobs and they find me..I change my number and they find my house or place of work. I don't really know what to do because they all complain about each other but make no effort to get away from each other. The cops are there multiple times a week. They put protection orders on each other every other week. I don't live with them but they always bring me into it.