i did it
Okay so i figured it out.
i diagnose myself with Teenage. a symptom of this is the lack of confidence that one pubescent body can have.
feeling so bad about yourself that even crying is embarrassing. being mad is embarrassing. basically anything that can be expressed outwardly.
and then the frustration that comes along and makes things worse.
busy self with painful activity.
i exercised and forgot about body issues bc i was busy wheezing doing shoulder taps (ToT)
one or the other. just busy self to the point that thinking isnt really an option. loud music to accompany this also helps. loud, violent music.
crying doesnt work, not all the way.
even knowing that its temporary doesnt make the feeling go away.
but pain does. and apparently so does cleaning then exercising then showering.
and eating strawberries with whipped cream :)
im so smart bro. like omg, intellectual moment.